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Substance Abuse
My son is a jerk
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 501025"><p>Hi all,</p><p></p><p>Back home. Phew. Cold but home. I finished "Addict in the family" on the way home and I agree it is a really good book. I will probably download her next book tomorrow. Are you finding that book as helpful Nancy?</p><p></p><p>Anyway it helped me calm down some, and it gave me some perspective. I could see how some of my comments this weekend would be taken by him as critisism and nagging. I think my lack of faith in him probably shows. Not that that excuses anything but it made me empathize with him a bit more. Made me also think about the timing about reducing his grocery money. I still feel we should do that but I think we will wait a week to do it.... just so it doesn't feel like a critisism or punishment. I think my first reaction was to do it as a method of control... to force him to get a job, which to tell you the truth I still want to do. lol.... but reality is I cant force him to do anything. The book is a great remdinder that I can't fix him.</p><p></p><p>And then I think I just need to back way off.... he really does have to find his own way to recovery. I liked wat the bookk said about recovery... which is a spirtual inner change where as abstinence is not using. So he is abstinent but not in recovery at the moment. I really think the only reason he is abstinent right now is because he is being drug tested every other day and they send it to a lab so it is harder to fake. And he knows if he doesn't stay there he has no other place to go. But the book did give me hope that any help he is getting he will learn something and may make a difference later.</p><p></p><p>But for now I just have to detach with love as much as I can and go on with my life. I am leaving on Wed to go visit my Dad with my brother.... my dad is 94 and getting very frail so I will have to focus on him rather than difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for your love and support. It makes a huge difference and the first thing I did when I got home was read the board. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 501025"] Hi all, Back home. Phew. Cold but home. I finished "Addict in the family" on the way home and I agree it is a really good book. I will probably download her next book tomorrow. Are you finding that book as helpful Nancy? Anyway it helped me calm down some, and it gave me some perspective. I could see how some of my comments this weekend would be taken by him as critisism and nagging. I think my lack of faith in him probably shows. Not that that excuses anything but it made me empathize with him a bit more. Made me also think about the timing about reducing his grocery money. I still feel we should do that but I think we will wait a week to do it.... just so it doesn't feel like a critisism or punishment. I think my first reaction was to do it as a method of control... to force him to get a job, which to tell you the truth I still want to do. lol.... but reality is I cant force him to do anything. The book is a great remdinder that I can't fix him. And then I think I just need to back way off.... he really does have to find his own way to recovery. I liked wat the bookk said about recovery... which is a spirtual inner change where as abstinence is not using. So he is abstinent but not in recovery at the moment. I really think the only reason he is abstinent right now is because he is being drug tested every other day and they send it to a lab so it is harder to fake. And he knows if he doesn't stay there he has no other place to go. But the book did give me hope that any help he is getting he will learn something and may make a difference later. But for now I just have to detach with love as much as I can and go on with my life. I am leaving on Wed to go visit my Dad with my brother.... my dad is 94 and getting very frail so I will have to focus on him rather than difficult child. Thank you all for your love and support. It makes a huge difference and the first thing I did when I got home was read the board. :) TL [/QUOTE]
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