Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My son is out. Again.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704022" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree, here, one hundred percent.</p><p></p><p>Except there are consequences of this point of view. Logical consequences. Because to me there is no possibility of moral relativity. I used to understand this viewpoint, how different societies had different social moraes and so on.</p><p></p><p>Except I have my own. In my own moral code there is always a right or wrong thing to do. I accept that my son has a different moral code, but he still comes to me with his hand out, and promises he will adhere to our limits.</p><p></p><p>I understand I am wrong. Ten months ago I should never have allowed him in my house. I told him not to come. He came anyhow. I threw him out 5 times. We just kept rotating houses, (except for the 2 months he was in residential treatment.) And really, he did not want that. He did not want to comply.</p><p></p><p>I cannot be indifferent to how he chooses to live his life. If I accept he is uncaring, I must consequently, accept that he is dangerous to me. Unable to be in relationship to me. I love him. To return love and care -- with its opposite, is abuse. I will not allow myself to be abused by my own child. I have turned my back on other family members. It has cost me dearly. I wish I had not done it, but I did.</p><p></p><p>I have tried everything within my capacity, that I can think of; aware that my own capacity and thinking power will have absolutely nothing do to with his life.</p><p> Are you OK with this, for you?</p><p></p><p>There was a period of 6 months recently (ending 10 months ago), that I was indifferent to my son. I did not call him. I did not see him. When he called, I barely wanted to talk to him. I did the al anon number of saying Hi, Bye, No, So. It was very empowering. He very much modified his behavior towards me.</p><p></p><p>But that is not enough. <em>I need for him to modify his choices towards life</em>. Yet I see and I accept that I have no right, no voice, no authority to do so, to ask him to change anything about himself and his choices. He is right.</p><p></p><p>But let him not come to my door again.</p><p></p><p>Ten months ago I repeated it more than once. <em>You are not welcome here. Do not come</em>. <em>He came here late at night and I let him in.</em> </p><p></p><p>I will not make the mistake again to allow him near me.</p><p></p><p>I have nothing at all to say to him or to hear from him. Let him take his lifestyle wherever in the world he wants. His decision.</p><p></p><p>My spiritual director asked me <em>if I could envision not fighting.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I have given up. I have surrendered. There is nothing more to fight for.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704022, member: 18958"] I agree, here, one hundred percent. Except there are consequences of this point of view. Logical consequences. Because to me there is no possibility of moral relativity. I used to understand this viewpoint, how different societies had different social moraes and so on. Except I have my own. In my own moral code there is always a right or wrong thing to do. I accept that my son has a different moral code, but he still comes to me with his hand out, and promises he will adhere to our limits. I understand I am wrong. Ten months ago I should never have allowed him in my house. I told him not to come. He came anyhow. I threw him out 5 times. We just kept rotating houses, (except for the 2 months he was in residential treatment.) And really, he did not want that. He did not want to comply. I cannot be indifferent to how he chooses to live his life. If I accept he is uncaring, I must consequently, accept that he is dangerous to me. Unable to be in relationship to me. I love him. To return love and care -- with its opposite, is abuse. I will not allow myself to be abused by my own child. I have turned my back on other family members. It has cost me dearly. I wish I had not done it, but I did. I have tried everything within my capacity, that I can think of; aware that my own capacity and thinking power will have absolutely nothing do to with his life. Are you OK with this, for you? There was a period of 6 months recently (ending 10 months ago), that I was indifferent to my son. I did not call him. I did not see him. When he called, I barely wanted to talk to him. I did the al anon number of saying Hi, Bye, No, So. It was very empowering. He very much modified his behavior towards me. But that is not enough. [I]I need for him to modify his choices towards life[/I]. Yet I see and I accept that I have no right, no voice, no authority to do so, to ask him to change anything about himself and his choices. He is right. But let him not come to my door again. Ten months ago I repeated it more than once. [I]You are not welcome here. Do not come[/I]. [I]He came here late at night and I let him in.[/I] I will not make the mistake again to allow him near me. I have nothing at all to say to him or to hear from him. Let him take his lifestyle wherever in the world he wants. His decision. My spiritual director asked me [I]if I could envision not fighting. I have given up. I have surrendered. There is nothing more to fight for.[/I] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My son is out. Again.
Top