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My son is out. Again.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704132" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You got that right. This is the key. You know I was posting to somebody else, and I thought about how cockiness and bravado are often broken out of prisoners quite young. The men themselves, the strong ones, do not break, but instead, their strength becomes more tempered, tested, well-controlled.</p><p></p><p>I think my son is the opposite of these men. Because of blows he received in life, almost all beyond his control--he felt broken from almost the start of his manhood. And without a father, until M came there was nobody to help him with this. And then M was first a rival, and then an authority figure.</p><p></p><p>There was no way that M was going to permit that my son go down the drain in our house, and no way he was going to let him dominate and mistreat us in our own house. End of story. Guess who wins? It is not that M needs to win (although he likes too). When the aim of my son is manipulation, irresponsibility and foolishness, M will not allow my son to win, where M has control.</p><p></p><p>So let me get to my point: my son asserted his power in exactly the wrong ways. By volatility, self-indulgence, drama, acting the martyr. He acts from whim, in the moment, not purpose. Doing what he wants. Putting himself first. Indulging every emotion and craving. This, is what to him feels like power and control. How dumb can he be? For some paradoxical reason, he seems to b conflicted about acting from true power in any sustained way. M thinks the key is avoidance of responsibility for anything.</p><p></p><p>My son simply prefers marijuana and self-indulgence to doing what needs to be done. Like M says, "I did not benefit in any way at all from what I asked of him." Nor did I. It was for him. While my son can see this in the abstract, he will not or cannot rise above it. He wants what he wants when he wants it.</p><p></p><p>Prison or the military would have broken him. Either completely or so he could rebuild himself. But due to his illness, the military was not an option. I do not think he could have done it. Now maybe. 10 years ago, no.</p><p></p><p>I always thought this would be good for him. He is disorganized, easily distracted, with no real concept of orderliness. He was a disaster as a stock boy. But with livestock, that would not require organizational skills.</p><p></p><p>His saving grace is that he is at heart a loving man, can be polite and charming and very smart.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you, a dad, it is his temperament, that is the issue, and deciding to get a handle on it. He needs to decide who and what he wants to be. Like the rest of us.</p><p></p><p>Thank you a dad. I am always happy when you visit my threads. Your advice is always sage and practical. You are a good man, a dad. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704132, member: 18958"] You got that right. This is the key. You know I was posting to somebody else, and I thought about how cockiness and bravado are often broken out of prisoners quite young. The men themselves, the strong ones, do not break, but instead, their strength becomes more tempered, tested, well-controlled. I think my son is the opposite of these men. Because of blows he received in life, almost all beyond his control--he felt broken from almost the start of his manhood. And without a father, until M came there was nobody to help him with this. And then M was first a rival, and then an authority figure. There was no way that M was going to permit that my son go down the drain in our house, and no way he was going to let him dominate and mistreat us in our own house. End of story. Guess who wins? It is not that M needs to win (although he likes too). When the aim of my son is manipulation, irresponsibility and foolishness, M will not allow my son to win, where M has control. So let me get to my point: my son asserted his power in exactly the wrong ways. By volatility, self-indulgence, drama, acting the martyr. He acts from whim, in the moment, not purpose. Doing what he wants. Putting himself first. Indulging every emotion and craving. This, is what to him feels like power and control. How dumb can he be? For some paradoxical reason, he seems to b conflicted about acting from true power in any sustained way. M thinks the key is avoidance of responsibility for anything. My son simply prefers marijuana and self-indulgence to doing what needs to be done. Like M says, "I did not benefit in any way at all from what I asked of him." Nor did I. It was for him. While my son can see this in the abstract, he will not or cannot rise above it. He wants what he wants when he wants it. Prison or the military would have broken him. Either completely or so he could rebuild himself. But due to his illness, the military was not an option. I do not think he could have done it. Now maybe. 10 years ago, no. I always thought this would be good for him. He is disorganized, easily distracted, with no real concept of orderliness. He was a disaster as a stock boy. But with livestock, that would not require organizational skills. His saving grace is that he is at heart a loving man, can be polite and charming and very smart. I agree with you, a dad, it is his temperament, that is the issue, and deciding to get a handle on it. He needs to decide who and what he wants to be. Like the rest of us. Thank you a dad. I am always happy when you visit my threads. Your advice is always sage and practical. You are a good man, a dad. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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