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My son is out. Again.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704347" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>PiscesMom, what would be a middle ground for you?</p><p></p><p>I guess I bought that other house with the idea it would be the middle ground. That he could be safe, secure and not in my space. The major issue is the marijuana.</p><p></p><p>I did not kick him out this time, my partner M did. Because my son kept pushing back one way or another the drug test. He is unwilling to stop using marijuana. At first we tolerated it, but it intensified mood instability, depression, and he began to destroy our property. I did not feel a choice, really. There were holes in the walls. All over. He busted my refrigerator door. This was all in the past 5 months, or so.</p><p></p><p>I guess the only middle ground I can conceive of is: live in there. Do what you want with your life. I cannot stop you. I cannot help you. Pay rent. If you destroy my property, do not live cooperatively or within the realm of convention with the other tenants, or do not pay rent I will evict you. If you smoke up your food money 2 weeks into the month, go to soup kitchens. Do not come and eat my food.</p><p></p><p>At least this way I would know where he is, that he has a roof over his head. This would be for me, not for him. So I could survive.</p><p></p><p>That is the only compromise or middle ground situation I can conceive of.</p><p></p><p>I am desolate and devastated. I do not recall being this low. Ever. About anything. With all the work I have done on this forum one would expect I would have found some core strength. I have none.</p><p></p><p>I am quite certain he has found some safe harbor. A temporary one. Or he would have called. It is always the same. He calls or come when he needs something from me. He only wants<em> what he wants</em>. How could it be any other way? He is an adult. He is not coming to me for guidance, or for counsel or for a leg up. He is coming to me to get what he wants as he wants it. He will lie, manipulate, deceive, sabotage and do whatever he can do in the moment to sustain the relationship so it gives him what he wants. There is no notion of reciprocity. No notion of integrity.</p><p></p><p>When will I ever learn?</p><p></p><p>My son loves me, but he is only looking to use the facilities I have to offer. I am like a high-class homeless shelter. That is it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704347, member: 18958"] PiscesMom, what would be a middle ground for you? I guess I bought that other house with the idea it would be the middle ground. That he could be safe, secure and not in my space. The major issue is the marijuana. I did not kick him out this time, my partner M did. Because my son kept pushing back one way or another the drug test. He is unwilling to stop using marijuana. At first we tolerated it, but it intensified mood instability, depression, and he began to destroy our property. I did not feel a choice, really. There were holes in the walls. All over. He busted my refrigerator door. This was all in the past 5 months, or so. I guess the only middle ground I can conceive of is: live in there. Do what you want with your life. I cannot stop you. I cannot help you. Pay rent. If you destroy my property, do not live cooperatively or within the realm of convention with the other tenants, or do not pay rent I will evict you. If you smoke up your food money 2 weeks into the month, go to soup kitchens. Do not come and eat my food. At least this way I would know where he is, that he has a roof over his head. This would be for me, not for him. So I could survive. That is the only compromise or middle ground situation I can conceive of. I am desolate and devastated. I do not recall being this low. Ever. About anything. With all the work I have done on this forum one would expect I would have found some core strength. I have none. I am quite certain he has found some safe harbor. A temporary one. Or he would have called. It is always the same. He calls or come when he needs something from me. He only wants[I] what he wants[/I]. How could it be any other way? He is an adult. He is not coming to me for guidance, or for counsel or for a leg up. He is coming to me to get what he wants as he wants it. He will lie, manipulate, deceive, sabotage and do whatever he can do in the moment to sustain the relationship so it gives him what he wants. There is no notion of reciprocity. No notion of integrity. When will I ever learn? My son loves me, but he is only looking to use the facilities I have to offer. I am like a high-class homeless shelter. That is it. [/QUOTE]
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