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My son is spiraling down
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 674727" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Quicksand, I know how hard this is.</p><p></p><p>Your son seems to be making a series of good choices. He is doing it. Not you for him. </p><p></p><p>There has to come, I think, a sense of trusting, that he will continue to do so. Or if he falls, temporarily, he will pick himself up.</p><p></p><p>Because it seems now that you are living on pins and needles. Terrified, that he is in the balance. And you with him.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, just as he is deciding well now, even if he misses a beat, there are a million choice points and he can get back on track. It seems as if he is understanding things differently now.</p><p></p><p>As far as friends, activities, meaning, all of us have to build that. 12 step groups are for recovery. Not for socializing.</p><p></p><p>Of course he feels a vacuum in his life. He has been otherwise occupied, has he not? Of course he cannot reasonably expect that friends and all of the good things he wants and needs will immediately appear. That is real life for all of us.</p><p></p><p>I guess I am wanting to suggest if you don't think that a little bit of distance between you might help you. So you are not so vulnerable to his feelings and actions.</p><p></p><p>I needed that with my own son. So that I could get to the point that I really understood and accepted that his life was his. And my own, my own. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps I have gone too far in the other direction. Because it is still quite painful for me to interact with my son.</p><p></p><p>I feel you are both doing well. But I want you to be able to get your life back. Only then, when there is a bit of a disconnect will your son really understand that everything he has in his life he will build and maintain. Including peace of mind, interests and hope.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 674727, member: 18958"] Quicksand, I know how hard this is. Your son seems to be making a series of good choices. He is doing it. Not you for him. There has to come, I think, a sense of trusting, that he will continue to do so. Or if he falls, temporarily, he will pick himself up. Because it seems now that you are living on pins and needles. Terrified, that he is in the balance. And you with him. The thing is, just as he is deciding well now, even if he misses a beat, there are a million choice points and he can get back on track. It seems as if he is understanding things differently now. As far as friends, activities, meaning, all of us have to build that. 12 step groups are for recovery. Not for socializing. Of course he feels a vacuum in his life. He has been otherwise occupied, has he not? Of course he cannot reasonably expect that friends and all of the good things he wants and needs will immediately appear. That is real life for all of us. I guess I am wanting to suggest if you don't think that a little bit of distance between you might help you. So you are not so vulnerable to his feelings and actions. I needed that with my own son. So that I could get to the point that I really understood and accepted that his life was his. And my own, my own. Perhaps I have gone too far in the other direction. Because it is still quite painful for me to interact with my son. I feel you are both doing well. But I want you to be able to get your life back. Only then, when there is a bit of a disconnect will your son really understand that everything he has in his life he will build and maintain. Including peace of mind, interests and hope. COPA [/QUOTE]
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