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My Son left home to be Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750704" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello Monica. So much of what you write resonates with me. My son has been intermittently homeless for about 8 years. He is home now living in a home that I own but not with me.</p><p> I'm not clear either what happened. Did something happen in the military? Was he traumatized? Drug use?</p><p>Many of us come to this place. Even without young children at home. What was your choice? I don't see where there is one, if he refuses to accept treatment.</p><p></p><p>This exact thing happened with us. My son would not accept treatment or do anything for himself. He had a brain injury and I believe an emerging mental illness. On top of it over the years he acquired a serous marijuana habit. My bottom line was always that he get treatment and not use substances near me. Every single time when he crosses this line, or refuses to try to help himself, it has been a revolving door. I tell him to leave. The longest he was gone was a few years. The shortest was last time, 24 hours. (We're getting somewhere, I hope.) This has been extremely difficult and damaging to me and to him. At the same time, I felt (and feel) no choice.</p><p></p><p>Finally this time he is back he is cooperating with seeking medical treatment, and hopefully *maybe, psychiatric treatment. But I don't kid myself. I am prepared for him to push the limits again and again. It's push and push and push all of the time. I push. And he pushes. It's exhausting.</p><p></p><p>I want to say welcome to you. I have found this forum to be a great source of support and information. I have grown considerably by posting on as many people's threads as I can. It has strengthened me.</p><p></p><p>These are things we have to do. I see it this way now. Your thread helps me, because I see myself through you. I have come to see that our sons need to do what they need to do. My son does not see me as having abandoned him. Oh. He does throw it in my face every now and then. To avoid taking responsibility for his choices. Or make himself the victim. But I can see that he feels he has lived as he has wanted to live. These are men. They have that right.</p><p></p><p>At the same time, I see this is the underlying tension right now. I insist on having a say when he is living in a property I control. Right or wrong. And he feels the right to resist and to be self-determining. We are back and forth on this. Autonomy vs boundaries.</p><p></p><p>What I want to say is this: This is not something you are doing<em> to him. </em>This is something that he <em>is choosing.</em> He knows this.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750704, member: 18958"] Hello Monica. So much of what you write resonates with me. My son has been intermittently homeless for about 8 years. He is home now living in a home that I own but not with me. I'm not clear either what happened. Did something happen in the military? Was he traumatized? Drug use? Many of us come to this place. Even without young children at home. What was your choice? I don't see where there is one, if he refuses to accept treatment. This exact thing happened with us. My son would not accept treatment or do anything for himself. He had a brain injury and I believe an emerging mental illness. On top of it over the years he acquired a serous marijuana habit. My bottom line was always that he get treatment and not use substances near me. Every single time when he crosses this line, or refuses to try to help himself, it has been a revolving door. I tell him to leave. The longest he was gone was a few years. The shortest was last time, 24 hours. (We're getting somewhere, I hope.) This has been extremely difficult and damaging to me and to him. At the same time, I felt (and feel) no choice. Finally this time he is back he is cooperating with seeking medical treatment, and hopefully *maybe, psychiatric treatment. But I don't kid myself. I am prepared for him to push the limits again and again. It's push and push and push all of the time. I push. And he pushes. It's exhausting. I want to say welcome to you. I have found this forum to be a great source of support and information. I have grown considerably by posting on as many people's threads as I can. It has strengthened me. These are things we have to do. I see it this way now. Your thread helps me, because I see myself through you. I have come to see that our sons need to do what they need to do. My son does not see me as having abandoned him. Oh. He does throw it in my face every now and then. To avoid taking responsibility for his choices. Or make himself the victim. But I can see that he feels he has lived as he has wanted to live. These are men. They have that right. At the same time, I see this is the underlying tension right now. I insist on having a say when he is living in a property I control. Right or wrong. And he feels the right to resist and to be self-determining. We are back and forth on this. Autonomy vs boundaries. What I want to say is this: This is not something you are doing[I] to him. [/I]This is something that he [I]is choosing.[/I] He knows this. I am glad you found us. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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