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My son left. I asked him to.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689020" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think most of our kids have the same placard and marching orders.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately their version of adulthood has the freedom and autonomy part down waaay good, but not much else. OK. Fine.</p><p></p><p>Just like toddlers. "No!" Who are unable to dress or feed or clean themselves. So our kids have the toddler version of emancipation down pat.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately at 21 or 27 or 34, more is required. They are mystified why it is not working for them. I think they lack the skill set.</p><p></p><p>They know they need to separate from us and to be independent, but do not get the rest. I really think (after reading the Brene Brown post) that they do not have what it takes...and are doing the best they can. Most of them. I think that of my son. I do not think he chooses to be the <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> that he is. Put a better way, he chooses it because he does not yet see better options. Yet.</p><p></p><p>My son was in an orphanage without a mother or father or family until he was 22 months. When he was supposed to be a 2 year old saying "no" he was learning to talk, making up for lost ground, and learning to have a mother. How could it be easy, now? When he was not able to get it right the first time?</p><p></p><p>Anybody here who wants to lecture me about attachment disorder, I do not need to hear it again. You have already told me and I do not buy the immutability of development. It is not over until it is over. That is what I believe. You may disagree but please do not share this particular thing. It hurts me when you do. </p><p></p><p>Please. I do not mean to be rejecting or harsh. On the contrary. I am grateful for the support and care. But I do not want to be hurt, either.</p><p></p><p>My manifesto.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689020, member: 18958"] I think most of our kids have the same placard and marching orders. Unfortunately their version of adulthood has the freedom and autonomy part down waaay good, but not much else. OK. Fine. Just like toddlers. "No!" Who are unable to dress or feed or clean themselves. So our kids have the toddler version of emancipation down pat. Unfortunately at 21 or 27 or 34, more is required. They are mystified why it is not working for them. I think they lack the skill set. They know they need to separate from us and to be independent, but do not get the rest. I really think (after reading the Brene Brown post) that they do not have what it takes...and are doing the best they can. Most of them. I think that of my son. I do not think he chooses to be the :censored2: that he is. Put a better way, he chooses it because he does not yet see better options. Yet. My son was in an orphanage without a mother or father or family until he was 22 months. When he was supposed to be a 2 year old saying "no" he was learning to talk, making up for lost ground, and learning to have a mother. How could it be easy, now? When he was not able to get it right the first time? Anybody here who wants to lecture me about attachment disorder, I do not need to hear it again. You have already told me and I do not buy the immutability of development. It is not over until it is over. That is what I believe. You may disagree but please do not share this particular thing. It hurts me when you do. Please. I do not mean to be rejecting or harsh. On the contrary. I am grateful for the support and care. But I do not want to be hurt, either. My manifesto. [/QUOTE]
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