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My son left. I asked him to.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 689023" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Copa, I believe that about my daughter too. Whatever is broken or wounded or whatever inside of her, she is just not wired the way most of us are. Judging her and being angry and resentful and trying to "fix" or enable her didn't work. Ultimately, I had to develop the 'radical acceptance' idea, that in reality, how she is or what she could or couldn't do, is irrelevant because the bottom line is that I am powerless to change it. G-d bless her, but she doesn't believe there is anything the matter.......so perhaps for her, there isn't.</p><p></p><p>So then it was about me. And what Brene Brown said, <em>figure out what works and what doesn't and state those boundaries.</em> I did that. And it changed. For me, it was all about what I was willing to do and what I wasn't willing to do...... it started to become simpler then. But along the way, as you are.....and most of us here.......I suffered the agonies of the damned.............</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry Copa, the anguish we go through with our kids is......well.......there are really no words, are there? As Cedar once said, "it's a devastation like no other." But, we can learn, even in this harsh and dark environment, we can learn to set boundaries, to give up control, to accept what is and to let go........you're doing that Copa, you really are......</p><p></p><p>Be angry. He screwed up a good deal. He may not have the skill set, but he can learn to NOT harm you, to NOT be such a baby, he can learn to act in ways that are respectful and caring towards YOU. What he does with the rest of it is his.......what he does with you will be about the behaviors you accept and the behaviors you demand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 689023, member: 13542"] Copa, I believe that about my daughter too. Whatever is broken or wounded or whatever inside of her, she is just not wired the way most of us are. Judging her and being angry and resentful and trying to "fix" or enable her didn't work. Ultimately, I had to develop the 'radical acceptance' idea, that in reality, how she is or what she could or couldn't do, is irrelevant because the bottom line is that I am powerless to change it. G-d bless her, but she doesn't believe there is anything the matter.......so perhaps for her, there isn't. So then it was about me. And what Brene Brown said, [I]figure out what works and what doesn't and state those boundaries.[/I] I did that. And it changed. For me, it was all about what I was willing to do and what I wasn't willing to do...... it started to become simpler then. But along the way, as you are.....and most of us here.......I suffered the agonies of the damned............. I'm so sorry Copa, the anguish we go through with our kids is......well.......there are really no words, are there? As Cedar once said, "it's a devastation like no other." But, we can learn, even in this harsh and dark environment, we can learn to set boundaries, to give up control, to accept what is and to let go........you're doing that Copa, you really are...... Be angry. He screwed up a good deal. He may not have the skill set, but he can learn to NOT harm you, to NOT be such a baby, he can learn to act in ways that are respectful and caring towards YOU. What he does with the rest of it is his.......what he does with you will be about the behaviors you accept and the behaviors you demand. [/QUOTE]
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