Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My son left. I asked him to.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 689274" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think you are doing a very good job of maintaining boundaries with someone who is almost right there in your face every day and living a real-not-perfect life of a Difficult Child, progress but not perfection, one step forward and then another, and then three back. Real life. Real stuff. Real people. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My son used to say the very same thing. Couldn't and didn't want to do anything. He would get so many jobs and then get fired from all of them. This was during the hard hard years before it got even worse. I couldn't understand it because he had a great work ethic, always, had and started working when he was 15. I think now, looking back, he didn't show up, or stole from them, or mouthed off...all the while he was using drugs regularly. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I cannot overestimate how important I believe work is for people. All of us. You. Me. them. We are accountable, have a sense of purpose (even if we are contemptuous of it all, like so many DCS are), we have to show up, stay until they say we can go, be tired, go to bed and get up to do it again. The mere process of work is valuable. Purposeful. Structure. So valuable. </p><p></p><p>I had a friend who chose not to work, even though she had a PhD in biochemistry. She was a very unhappy person and an angry person, and in her 50s lived in the home she grew up in, with her parents. She was on the state health insurance plan because she had no job, and she claimed no income. When you were around her, she was always complaining and basically made the time together miserable. One day she asked me flat out: What do you think I need to do with my life? Very quickly, without hesitation (I am not proud of this even though it was 100 percent what I believed and still do) I said: Get a job. You need to go to work, work all day, come home tired, fix dinner, wash a load of clothes, go to bed and get up to do it all over again. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself. </p><p></p><p>Needless to say, she was royally p.o'd at me and that was that. She still doesn't work. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I would amend to say "figure out what works FOR YOU and what doesn't and state those boundaries". People can do whaever they want to do. God bless them, they are adults. And so are we. We have choices too.</p><p></p><p>Love you people here. You people here are great.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 689274, member: 17542"] I think you are doing a very good job of maintaining boundaries with someone who is almost right there in your face every day and living a real-not-perfect life of a Difficult Child, progress but not perfection, one step forward and then another, and then three back. Real life. Real stuff. Real people. My son used to say the very same thing. Couldn't and didn't want to do anything. He would get so many jobs and then get fired from all of them. This was during the hard hard years before it got even worse. I couldn't understand it because he had a great work ethic, always, had and started working when he was 15. I think now, looking back, he didn't show up, or stole from them, or mouthed off...all the while he was using drugs regularly. I cannot overestimate how important I believe work is for people. All of us. You. Me. them. We are accountable, have a sense of purpose (even if we are contemptuous of it all, like so many DCS are), we have to show up, stay until they say we can go, be tired, go to bed and get up to do it again. The mere process of work is valuable. Purposeful. Structure. So valuable. I had a friend who chose not to work, even though she had a PhD in biochemistry. She was a very unhappy person and an angry person, and in her 50s lived in the home she grew up in, with her parents. She was on the state health insurance plan because she had no job, and she claimed no income. When you were around her, she was always complaining and basically made the time together miserable. One day she asked me flat out: What do you think I need to do with my life? Very quickly, without hesitation (I am not proud of this even though it was 100 percent what I believed and still do) I said: Get a job. You need to go to work, work all day, come home tired, fix dinner, wash a load of clothes, go to bed and get up to do it all over again. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Needless to say, she was royally p.o'd at me and that was that. She still doesn't work. I would amend to say "figure out what works FOR YOU and what doesn't and state those boundaries". People can do whaever they want to do. God bless them, they are adults. And so are we. We have choices too. Love you people here. You people here are great. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My son left. I asked him to.
Top