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Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 695511" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Thanks to all your responses ladies.</p><p></p><p>SWOT: he did not get a DUI but he did get two tickets. We did pay the tickets but my husband did that for himself and he has to pay us back ($350) and get an okay from the facility that he can have his car back. Neither one which will happen soon. Right now the car is parked and will stay parked. We may even sell it IF he doesn't turn things around soon. You were not harsh at all. No worries.</p><p></p><p>After I wrote that on Friday I knew that we would <strong>not </strong>give him the car back for the job. I never wanted him to even have a delivery job even when he was here. Too much wear and tear on the car and opportunity for speeding tickets etc. (and that's <strong>if </strong>he's 100% sober!). That was me being in my fix it mode. It's such a bad habit and I'm working like hell to get out of that habit. I know it does no good for anyone. He is a master manipulator and heart strings puller.</p><p></p><p>We did send money to his house manager to get a Publix card to give to our son for food. $50 per week. This is what house manager recommended. He was spending any money he had on fast food. No more of that. We see everything he spends on line via the debit card he has. </p><p></p><p>Son is applying to jobs on line he says <strong>but </strong>we told him he needs to work at restaurant on strip that he can <strong>walk </strong>to. He did have a bad experience with last restaurant, even house manager agreed, and he was screwing the busboys and runners out of tip money. But he has to do that; no choice. He asked for money yesterday to take girlfriend bowling. We said no. Get a job first.</p><p></p><p>Albatross: Almost same exact story with my son regarding giving him car some time ago. We did it against the advice of his facility also and he then left with another guy and went to sober living in another town and the guy is now the house manager there but son never did find job in new town and ended up overdosing. Almost exact situation regarding car. We do it for the right reasons but our kids aren't in a place where this makes sense. We see that now.</p><p></p><p>So today I have a call into my son's therapist. My son told me to talk to her because she has good news. I'm waiting to hear what she says. It won't change the way we are reacting to him but I would like to hear what she has to say. This was via text. We haven't talked much at all since overdose because I am changing the way I react to him now. </p><p></p><p>I realize my shortcomings in all of this. I am seeing a therapist so I can lead this with my HEAD and not my HEART. I am already so much better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 695511, member: 15032"] Thanks to all your responses ladies. SWOT: he did not get a DUI but he did get two tickets. We did pay the tickets but my husband did that for himself and he has to pay us back ($350) and get an okay from the facility that he can have his car back. Neither one which will happen soon. Right now the car is parked and will stay parked. We may even sell it IF he doesn't turn things around soon. You were not harsh at all. No worries. After I wrote that on Friday I knew that we would [B]not [/B]give him the car back for the job. I never wanted him to even have a delivery job even when he was here. Too much wear and tear on the car and opportunity for speeding tickets etc. (and that's [B]if [/B]he's 100% sober!). That was me being in my fix it mode. It's such a bad habit and I'm working like hell to get out of that habit. I know it does no good for anyone. He is a master manipulator and heart strings puller. We did send money to his house manager to get a Publix card to give to our son for food. $50 per week. This is what house manager recommended. He was spending any money he had on fast food. No more of that. We see everything he spends on line via the debit card he has. Son is applying to jobs on line he says [B]but [/B]we told him he needs to work at restaurant on strip that he can [B]walk [/B]to. He did have a bad experience with last restaurant, even house manager agreed, and he was screwing the busboys and runners out of tip money. But he has to do that; no choice. He asked for money yesterday to take girlfriend bowling. We said no. Get a job first. Albatross: Almost same exact story with my son regarding giving him car some time ago. We did it against the advice of his facility also and he then left with another guy and went to sober living in another town and the guy is now the house manager there but son never did find job in new town and ended up overdosing. Almost exact situation regarding car. We do it for the right reasons but our kids aren't in a place where this makes sense. We see that now. So today I have a call into my son's therapist. My son told me to talk to her because she has good news. I'm waiting to hear what she says. It won't change the way we are reacting to him but I would like to hear what she has to say. This was via text. We haven't talked much at all since overdose because I am changing the way I react to him now. I realize my shortcomings in all of this. I am seeing a therapist so I can lead this with my HEAD and not my HEART. I am already so much better. [/QUOTE]
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