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My son told me he got stabbed. I can't stop shaking.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 659818" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi, I am better. I am lazy and cannot seem, still, to do anything sustained and productive. But I am not desperate.</p><p></p><p>I got hives last night or some other itchiness all over my body that I get when I am extremely nervous. I took Benadryl and slept like a baby.</p><p></p><p>I got that way occasionally when I worked at far off places and once I accused the motel of having bed bugs.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to not ask much of myself. Same old thing.</p><p></p><p>Occasionally this morning, after reading your posts, I thought to myself, what do I do now if he is using Meth? Do I insist he get a drug test? He has offered, but usually tied to wanting one thing or another. </p><p></p><p>We went through the residential drug treatment option, already. At the assessment interview, everything I had tried to do he undid. I was humiliated, ashamed, helpless and furious.</p><p></p><p>If he is using hard drugs, I see nothing in his attitudes or choices to indicate that he wants to change one thing.</p><p></p><p>This is the life he wants to live: No rules. No responsibilities. No obligations. Taken care of. So he can use whatever money he has to buy whatever he wants. That is it. I see no place in a life like that for me, except at the margins. I think he sees that too.</p><p></p><p>On the phone he said he had not called me because rationally *that is his favorite word, he sees us as getting along so poorly, and fighting so much, that he accepted the reality of the situation.</p><p></p><p>I see it as he wants his rules, and does not want a limit or a boundary and sees such as "fighting" because he fights it. And I think he sees no place in his life for a mother who does let him have pretty much all he wants.</p><p></p><p>I do feel sad. I had kept hoping my son would "get better." Instead, he seems to be digging in and doubling down. I am seeing no difference what so ever in his way of being from the other DCs on the board, where this goes on to their 30's and then what?</p><p></p><p>Do most of the parents just drop off the board? Where do they go?</p><p></p><p>I asked him if he was taking his medicine, an anti-viral he needs for his liver. He hesitated and said yes, but he missed his appointment with the Hepatologist due to being hospitalized. Why did I bother to ask?</p><p></p><p>I guess I am sadder than I thought. </p><p></p><p>If I could just get going around the house, we could leave town. M's Mother leaves July 7th to return to Mexico.</p><p></p><p>Do you think it is realistic to bring two dogs and a cat to go to a new big city, 3 or 4 days drive? (We are thinking we might fly with the animals, instead of driving.) </p><p></p><p>Are there dogs in big eastern cities? Now, the dogs spend most of their day outside in the yard. But they like being inside with us. </p><p></p><p>We have moved with one dog and a cat. But never with 2 dogs and a cat. </p><p></p><p>It was kinda horrible, I must admit. They both got sick of the motel and began peeing on the carpet, but it got better when we got a place. We lived in a converted school bus a couple of blocks from the Pacific Ocean in the Northwest. But it worked. They had just needed to be "home."</p><p></p><p>Thank you for checking in with me. Thank you for everything.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 659818, member: 18958"] Hi, I am better. I am lazy and cannot seem, still, to do anything sustained and productive. But I am not desperate. I got hives last night or some other itchiness all over my body that I get when I am extremely nervous. I took Benadryl and slept like a baby. I got that way occasionally when I worked at far off places and once I accused the motel of having bed bugs. I am trying to not ask much of myself. Same old thing. Occasionally this morning, after reading your posts, I thought to myself, what do I do now if he is using Meth? Do I insist he get a drug test? He has offered, but usually tied to wanting one thing or another. We went through the residential drug treatment option, already. At the assessment interview, everything I had tried to do he undid. I was humiliated, ashamed, helpless and furious. If he is using hard drugs, I see nothing in his attitudes or choices to indicate that he wants to change one thing. This is the life he wants to live: No rules. No responsibilities. No obligations. Taken care of. So he can use whatever money he has to buy whatever he wants. That is it. I see no place in a life like that for me, except at the margins. I think he sees that too. On the phone he said he had not called me because rationally *that is his favorite word, he sees us as getting along so poorly, and fighting so much, that he accepted the reality of the situation. I see it as he wants his rules, and does not want a limit or a boundary and sees such as "fighting" because he fights it. And I think he sees no place in his life for a mother who does let him have pretty much all he wants. I do feel sad. I had kept hoping my son would "get better." Instead, he seems to be digging in and doubling down. I am seeing no difference what so ever in his way of being from the other DCs on the board, where this goes on to their 30's and then what? Do most of the parents just drop off the board? Where do they go? I asked him if he was taking his medicine, an anti-viral he needs for his liver. He hesitated and said yes, but he missed his appointment with the Hepatologist due to being hospitalized. Why did I bother to ask? I guess I am sadder than I thought. If I could just get going around the house, we could leave town. M's Mother leaves July 7th to return to Mexico. Do you think it is realistic to bring two dogs and a cat to go to a new big city, 3 or 4 days drive? (We are thinking we might fly with the animals, instead of driving.) Are there dogs in big eastern cities? Now, the dogs spend most of their day outside in the yard. But they like being inside with us. We have moved with one dog and a cat. But never with 2 dogs and a cat. It was kinda horrible, I must admit. They both got sick of the motel and began peeing on the carpet, but it got better when we got a place. We lived in a converted school bus a couple of blocks from the Pacific Ocean in the Northwest. But it worked. They had just needed to be "home." Thank you for checking in with me. Thank you for everything. [/QUOTE]
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My son told me he got stabbed. I can't stop shaking.
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