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My son used to be a sweet little empath.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 718667" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I cannot fathom why anyone here would be cruel to you. We have ALL struggled with difficult children and we all wish we could have done something different. Much of what may have gone wrong for you seems to have been completely out of your control. You cannot control getting a mental illness any more than you can control having a stranger sneeze on you and give you the flu. You can try to prevent it and keep your spirits up, do what you can, but genetics and many other things factor in that weigh very heavily. </p><p></p><p>Add in that this Children's Aid Society seems to have demonized you for years, then they plopped a very difficult child back in your lap without giving you ANY resources to help you with him? Oh, heck no that isn't your fault!! In fact, why do you have him and not have custody? Who has custody and why are they not paying you child support? NO I am not joking. If he was living with you and you were supporting him and feeding and clothing him, then whomever had custody should have been giving you child support. </p><p></p><p>Whatever happened while he was in the custody of Children's Aid messed him up and now they don't want to deal with him. They dumped him with you so unceremoniously because they simply could not find anywhere else for him to live. They know you love him, so they took advantage of you. They will continue it as long as you let it. I think you are in the UK, but here in the US the Children's Services have done similar at times. </p><p></p><p>LEt yourself off of the hook. This was not your fault. You couldn't have stopped them without money for incredibly powerful lawyers and possibly not even with them. As for your son, you may or may not be able to do much for him. </p><p></p><p>Stop catering to him. Who cares what he thinks you should be doing? What is he doing with HIS life? Why doesn't HE go out and do something? Why not insist he clean up and go get food with you? He won't go? He only gets food he does not life. Doesn't like the food from this shop? He better be clean and dressed when you show up next week, hmm? </p><p></p><p>The concept is "Do to Get". In order to Get, your son must Do. If he wants to get what he wants, he must do what you want. Don't yell, don't get upset, don't fuss, just don't EVER give in. Out stubborn him. Don't say what you will not do, and don't ever ever give in. Let little things go, and pick only those battles you must fight. It is hard to parent teens, and jumping in from scratch without having that foundation from raising them up to that point sounds incredibly difficult. So it is going to take some strategizing and picking which battles matter and which are not worth fighting over.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 718667, member: 1233"] I cannot fathom why anyone here would be cruel to you. We have ALL struggled with difficult children and we all wish we could have done something different. Much of what may have gone wrong for you seems to have been completely out of your control. You cannot control getting a mental illness any more than you can control having a stranger sneeze on you and give you the flu. You can try to prevent it and keep your spirits up, do what you can, but genetics and many other things factor in that weigh very heavily. Add in that this Children's Aid Society seems to have demonized you for years, then they plopped a very difficult child back in your lap without giving you ANY resources to help you with him? Oh, heck no that isn't your fault!! In fact, why do you have him and not have custody? Who has custody and why are they not paying you child support? NO I am not joking. If he was living with you and you were supporting him and feeding and clothing him, then whomever had custody should have been giving you child support. Whatever happened while he was in the custody of Children's Aid messed him up and now they don't want to deal with him. They dumped him with you so unceremoniously because they simply could not find anywhere else for him to live. They know you love him, so they took advantage of you. They will continue it as long as you let it. I think you are in the UK, but here in the US the Children's Services have done similar at times. LEt yourself off of the hook. This was not your fault. You couldn't have stopped them without money for incredibly powerful lawyers and possibly not even with them. As for your son, you may or may not be able to do much for him. Stop catering to him. Who cares what he thinks you should be doing? What is he doing with HIS life? Why doesn't HE go out and do something? Why not insist he clean up and go get food with you? He won't go? He only gets food he does not life. Doesn't like the food from this shop? He better be clean and dressed when you show up next week, hmm? The concept is "Do to Get". In order to Get, your son must Do. If he wants to get what he wants, he must do what you want. Don't yell, don't get upset, don't fuss, just don't EVER give in. Out stubborn him. Don't say what you will not do, and don't ever ever give in. Let little things go, and pick only those battles you must fight. It is hard to parent teens, and jumping in from scratch without having that foundation from raising them up to that point sounds incredibly difficult. So it is going to take some strategizing and picking which battles matter and which are not worth fighting over. [/QUOTE]
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