tiredofthis
New Member
well, first of all it's nice to meet everyone.
My problem is I've been fighting with the school district for a long time now (approx 8 years).
My son was un-diagnosed at the time when this all started... He has Asperger's Syndrome and developped ODD and Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) (probably from their refusal to deal with him in any way shape or form).
This all started when he got bullied on the bus on his way to school and on his way home...
kids got away with it, I wasn't told because no one cared and he was too little to speak up for himself...
Next thing you know, he hits a kid and he's in trouble, then all the inquiries begin and I hear from another kid that he's being bullied, etc...
but by now the damage is done and the school, although ignoring the actual bullies, labeled my son a trouble maker...
so at this point, he's still bullied because they won't do anything about it and he learns to hit other ppl even though we try to get them to deal with the bullying but they won't...
we get our diagnosis because someone recommended we have our son evaluated because of his now uncontrolled behavior (I never had any behavior problems with him until they messed him up, by the way. He's a very good, very kind child who listened to me for the most part).
Then they put him in summer school with a woman who was 1 year away from retiring, supposedly well versed in how to deal with special needs kids... and that 1st week he comes home with finger shaped bruises on his wrist... we dealt with that, although on hind sight I should have had her thrown in jail for child abuse... she kept telling a different story about what happened... my son kept telling us the same thing and he had no concept of lies at the time.
That next school year was a nightmare... they suspended him pretty much every other week for a whole year and requested we pick him up from school very often until they had enough of his behavior and his councillor said he needed an IEP. And so that process began because by now he was down to violent behavior and he would destroy the school property if left in the office alone... which apparently he was... which is ridiculous...
but they just didn't acknowledge his Asperger's and basically said we were bad parents and he was a kid with an attitude problem.
(really? I had no problems with my son's behavior at all until they dealt with him all wrong and then he became out of control! If I asked him to do something, he did it. If we were in social situations, yes he would bore the other kids with his constant chatter about things they didn't care about but he never hit anyone back then!)
The only reason he got an IEP at all was because he was out of control, not because he had a diagnosis. (I still say he wouldn't have been this out of control if they had listened to him and dealt with the bullying instead of being so concerned with how much cash the state was dishing out and their name being on the 'best schools list'... they lost sight of what should really matter: the kids)
For a while it wasn't as much of a battle with the school district as it was a struggle to get my son back to as close to his old self as we could... but the IEP had to reflect his needs... this period, I call "teaching my kid not to retaliate when being bullied".. and that's exactly what they did teach him...
sadly I didn't realize that it meant more than just getting his temper back under control...
it's been years to deal with the damage they caused him in the first place...
and we're back to square one...
my son is still labeled trouble maker, but he learned not to hit back/fight back/ stand up for himself...
what he learned was to tell an adult and ask for help...
and he DOES and for 1 year they listened...
but then he changed schools again... and they stopped listening...
he's in middle school now... and although laste year it was the best year he's had in a long time, he's being bullied all over again...
but when he asks for help, nothing... nada... he's not getting it...
so he was bullied for the whole year on the bus and they did nothing while I argued with them to do something about it...
and then he got so upset he knocked the other kid's glasses off... didn't break them, didn't hurt the kid even... and he's the one in trouble for lashing out...
then a kid he thought was his friend wrote obscenities on his school backpack 2 days before the end of the year exams... they never suspended him, he wasn't kept away from my son, they did... yep.. NOTHING...
this year he steps into the classroom ready for a great year. I wasn't there and gave her the benefit of the doubt that he misunderstood the situation, but the aide in his class started questioning him for no reason and he felt she was picking on him.
I went to the school to address the issue because, even if it's perceived as picking on him but isn't, it's how he feels and it's detrimental to his well-being at school. So I asked she be kept away from him. I was told they would look into the issue and although they told us it was basically ridiculous to make this request, they did keep her away from him so far (really? tell me there wasn't something going on if they felt the need to comply? I chose to let that go though, because as long as she's kept away from him, then the issue is resolved.)
We brought an advocate in the mix because they weren't going along with his IEP either this year. He's supposed to be mainstreamed but he WASN'T until the meeting with the advocate present, they've given him a rotten deal with the robotics program he wanted to be a part of more than anything. Although we got SOME answers at the meeting and are STARTING to
and now for this week's issue... he's bullied on the bus by a big boned 8th grader... my son is small for his age (12), has upper body strength issues due to his Asperger's, and thin (in the healthy range for his size) due to a high speed metabolism (he can eat like a pig and still be stick thin). This kid took his backpack, rummaged through it, put my son's gym shorts on my son's head and stole his t-shirt. Correct me if I'm wrong, but theft and assault are a problem. The bus driver claims she saw NOTHING, the assistant principal spoke to the kids this morning and she JUST called me as I'm typing this and I STILL had to INSIST they do something. I'm now having to call the board of ed to DEMAND an aide on his bus for his safety, they don't sound like they really care that his shirt was STOLEN and by the sound of it they don't plan on doing much about the incident other than look around the school and bus for the shirt. I guess she just realized I'm not about to take their sorry excuses as an answer because she started with the "oh, ok" babbling and stopped with the "well, we're doing what we can" and "the driver saw nothing"... shtick...
it did sound rehearsed on her part... until I used words like "assault" and "theft"... I'm being very gracious because I'm very very angry right now but I'm still being polite... but I think she's getting the point now. She was a whole lot more cooperative after I used those words.. like the situation wasn't real before I did.
did I mention I'm sick and tired of this? Excuses, half truths, none-answers and my son being blamed while they turn a blind eye to the bullies. It's all good for the junk pile. I'm done with that kind of answers. I'm pushing back.
My problem is I've been fighting with the school district for a long time now (approx 8 years).
My son was un-diagnosed at the time when this all started... He has Asperger's Syndrome and developped ODD and Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) (probably from their refusal to deal with him in any way shape or form).
This all started when he got bullied on the bus on his way to school and on his way home...
kids got away with it, I wasn't told because no one cared and he was too little to speak up for himself...
Next thing you know, he hits a kid and he's in trouble, then all the inquiries begin and I hear from another kid that he's being bullied, etc...
but by now the damage is done and the school, although ignoring the actual bullies, labeled my son a trouble maker...
so at this point, he's still bullied because they won't do anything about it and he learns to hit other ppl even though we try to get them to deal with the bullying but they won't...
we get our diagnosis because someone recommended we have our son evaluated because of his now uncontrolled behavior (I never had any behavior problems with him until they messed him up, by the way. He's a very good, very kind child who listened to me for the most part).
Then they put him in summer school with a woman who was 1 year away from retiring, supposedly well versed in how to deal with special needs kids... and that 1st week he comes home with finger shaped bruises on his wrist... we dealt with that, although on hind sight I should have had her thrown in jail for child abuse... she kept telling a different story about what happened... my son kept telling us the same thing and he had no concept of lies at the time.
That next school year was a nightmare... they suspended him pretty much every other week for a whole year and requested we pick him up from school very often until they had enough of his behavior and his councillor said he needed an IEP. And so that process began because by now he was down to violent behavior and he would destroy the school property if left in the office alone... which apparently he was... which is ridiculous...
but they just didn't acknowledge his Asperger's and basically said we were bad parents and he was a kid with an attitude problem.
(really? I had no problems with my son's behavior at all until they dealt with him all wrong and then he became out of control! If I asked him to do something, he did it. If we were in social situations, yes he would bore the other kids with his constant chatter about things they didn't care about but he never hit anyone back then!)
The only reason he got an IEP at all was because he was out of control, not because he had a diagnosis. (I still say he wouldn't have been this out of control if they had listened to him and dealt with the bullying instead of being so concerned with how much cash the state was dishing out and their name being on the 'best schools list'... they lost sight of what should really matter: the kids)
For a while it wasn't as much of a battle with the school district as it was a struggle to get my son back to as close to his old self as we could... but the IEP had to reflect his needs... this period, I call "teaching my kid not to retaliate when being bullied".. and that's exactly what they did teach him...
sadly I didn't realize that it meant more than just getting his temper back under control...
it's been years to deal with the damage they caused him in the first place...
and we're back to square one...
my son is still labeled trouble maker, but he learned not to hit back/fight back/ stand up for himself...
what he learned was to tell an adult and ask for help...
and he DOES and for 1 year they listened...
but then he changed schools again... and they stopped listening...
he's in middle school now... and although laste year it was the best year he's had in a long time, he's being bullied all over again...
but when he asks for help, nothing... nada... he's not getting it...
so he was bullied for the whole year on the bus and they did nothing while I argued with them to do something about it...
and then he got so upset he knocked the other kid's glasses off... didn't break them, didn't hurt the kid even... and he's the one in trouble for lashing out...
then a kid he thought was his friend wrote obscenities on his school backpack 2 days before the end of the year exams... they never suspended him, he wasn't kept away from my son, they did... yep.. NOTHING...
this year he steps into the classroom ready for a great year. I wasn't there and gave her the benefit of the doubt that he misunderstood the situation, but the aide in his class started questioning him for no reason and he felt she was picking on him.
I went to the school to address the issue because, even if it's perceived as picking on him but isn't, it's how he feels and it's detrimental to his well-being at school. So I asked she be kept away from him. I was told they would look into the issue and although they told us it was basically ridiculous to make this request, they did keep her away from him so far (really? tell me there wasn't something going on if they felt the need to comply? I chose to let that go though, because as long as she's kept away from him, then the issue is resolved.)
We brought an advocate in the mix because they weren't going along with his IEP either this year. He's supposed to be mainstreamed but he WASN'T until the meeting with the advocate present, they've given him a rotten deal with the robotics program he wanted to be a part of more than anything. Although we got SOME answers at the meeting and are STARTING to
and now for this week's issue... he's bullied on the bus by a big boned 8th grader... my son is small for his age (12), has upper body strength issues due to his Asperger's, and thin (in the healthy range for his size) due to a high speed metabolism (he can eat like a pig and still be stick thin). This kid took his backpack, rummaged through it, put my son's gym shorts on my son's head and stole his t-shirt. Correct me if I'm wrong, but theft and assault are a problem. The bus driver claims she saw NOTHING, the assistant principal spoke to the kids this morning and she JUST called me as I'm typing this and I STILL had to INSIST they do something. I'm now having to call the board of ed to DEMAND an aide on his bus for his safety, they don't sound like they really care that his shirt was STOLEN and by the sound of it they don't plan on doing much about the incident other than look around the school and bus for the shirt. I guess she just realized I'm not about to take their sorry excuses as an answer because she started with the "oh, ok" babbling and stopped with the "well, we're doing what we can" and "the driver saw nothing"... shtick...
it did sound rehearsed on her part... until I used words like "assault" and "theft"... I'm being very gracious because I'm very very angry right now but I'm still being polite... but I think she's getting the point now. She was a whole lot more cooperative after I used those words.. like the situation wasn't real before I did.
did I mention I'm sick and tired of this? Excuses, half truths, none-answers and my son being blamed while they turn a blind eye to the bullies. It's all good for the junk pile. I'm done with that kind of answers. I'm pushing back.