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My story. The heartbreak.
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 713710" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Welcome Irish:</p><p></p><p>Sorry you have to be here but you have come to the right place.</p><p></p><p>Your husband is right. She has to help herself; she is an adult and not a little girl anymore. She has continued to make bad choices the entire time you have practically killed yourself trying to "help" her. I have done the same with our son so I am no stranger to this either. Our idea of helping them is actually enabling them.</p><p></p><p>More will be along to offer their advice but I would recommend reading posts on the substance abuse forum here. Additionally have you ever seen a therapist or gotten help for YOURSELF? I have found that it has helped me tremendously along with the strength I have gained from this forum and the very knowledgeable folks here. You need to stop putting yourself in a tailspin by her actions and behaviors. You do not want to go down with the ship. Don't let her pull you into her drama!</p><p></p><p>Stop blaming yourself. She is not accepting the responsibility for her own actions. That is not your fault. We cannot control another human being. We can only control ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I agree that she should not live in your home. Until these Difficult Child accept responsibility for their actions and feel the consequences of their bad choices they will not change or grow.</p><p></p><p>All we can do as loving parents is let them know we love them and get out of their way and let them find their way. This is their journey and not ours. Do not let your daughter control your life. Enjoy your husband and the good things in your life and let her find her way. Many here have a dialogue they use when their children call them begging or being accusatory. Keep your conversations short. Let it go to voice mail. Respond or don't respond. She'll have no choice but to figure it out if you don't rush in to "fix" things.</p><p></p><p>She is very young like my son and I hope for your daughter, like I hope for my son, that they find their way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 713710, member: 15032"] Welcome Irish: Sorry you have to be here but you have come to the right place. Your husband is right. She has to help herself; she is an adult and not a little girl anymore. She has continued to make bad choices the entire time you have practically killed yourself trying to "help" her. I have done the same with our son so I am no stranger to this either. Our idea of helping them is actually enabling them. More will be along to offer their advice but I would recommend reading posts on the substance abuse forum here. Additionally have you ever seen a therapist or gotten help for YOURSELF? I have found that it has helped me tremendously along with the strength I have gained from this forum and the very knowledgeable folks here. You need to stop putting yourself in a tailspin by her actions and behaviors. You do not want to go down with the ship. Don't let her pull you into her drama! Stop blaming yourself. She is not accepting the responsibility for her own actions. That is not your fault. We cannot control another human being. We can only control ourselves. I agree that she should not live in your home. Until these Difficult Child accept responsibility for their actions and feel the consequences of their bad choices they will not change or grow. All we can do as loving parents is let them know we love them and get out of their way and let them find their way. This is their journey and not ours. Do not let your daughter control your life. Enjoy your husband and the good things in your life and let her find her way. Many here have a dialogue they use when their children call them begging or being accusatory. Keep your conversations short. Let it go to voice mail. Respond or don't respond. She'll have no choice but to figure it out if you don't rush in to "fix" things. She is very young like my son and I hope for your daughter, like I hope for my son, that they find their way. [/QUOTE]
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