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<blockquote data-quote="Liam’s Mom" data-source="post: 748896" data-attributes="member: 24008"><p>I have 2 sons, almost exactly 2 years apart. They are currently 2 and 4.</p><p></p><p>My 4 year old is intelligent but wild. He can be extremely disobedient, to the point where I get really angry.</p><p></p><p>He’s had a temper since he was a baby.</p><p></p><p>He just finished a year of Montessori school (half days), which was really hard. He spent a lot of time separated from the other kids, sitting in the office, because he was being unsafe. He pushes, scratches, bites occasionally.</p><p></p><p>I get so mad at him for hurting his brother that I’ve smacked him in the face. This his happened 2 times, and both time were followed but a lot of serious talking and hugging and I apologize and talk about how bad it is to hurt people and how it’s not ok for me to do it, or for him to do it.</p><p></p><p>I’m therapy for rage and very open about it. I had an abusive relationship In the past. I envisioned raising my kids without violence (like screaming when angry), but I do it anyways. It’s so hard to stay calm when he is hurting someone. </p><p></p><p>He gets grabbed and put into timeout for being willfully disobedient (doing the opposite of what he is asked to do..like this evening he wouldn’t stop licking his grandma, then he punched her!).</p><p></p><p>His younger brother is sweet and very kind, but is starting to exhibit some more negative behaviors that he copies from his brother (pouting, screaming when he is unhappy).</p><p></p><p>Any advice? Sorry for not giving more details now. I’m grasping at straws for how to stop his aggression!</p><p></p><p>We are working on never being aggressive with him, but to stay calm when he is punching feels unrealistical. When I yell, if I am angry enough, it can stop and reset him. He can be very good and focused. He is articulate, creative and adventurous. We (his dad / my husband) and I love him very much, and tell him often. </p><p></p><p>He doesn’t play that well with other kids, so we don’t do it that often. He is unpredictable and can be very unsafe. He can also be very calm and in control, if he is rested, fed, feeling loved. Any descent into discomfort for him results in hurting someone else.</p><p></p><p>I realize that his aggression probably comes from me being aggressive (yelling, and picking up and putting in time out mostly, arm squeezing, just touching him when I’m angry must feel like an angry touch to him). I am working very hard to stop any aggression or violence from me, but I have to work very hard to stay calm! I am overworked and underrested, pretty broke with not many friends. </p><p></p><p>I feel bad for him for dealing with aggression and bad for his brother for having a stressed out mama and a brother that gets most of the attention. </p><p></p><p>Any words of support or advice are welcome. </p><p></p><p>Thanks,</p><p></p><p>J</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Liam’s Mom, post: 748896, member: 24008"] I have 2 sons, almost exactly 2 years apart. They are currently 2 and 4. My 4 year old is intelligent but wild. He can be extremely disobedient, to the point where I get really angry. He’s had a temper since he was a baby. He just finished a year of Montessori school (half days), which was really hard. He spent a lot of time separated from the other kids, sitting in the office, because he was being unsafe. He pushes, scratches, bites occasionally. I get so mad at him for hurting his brother that I’ve smacked him in the face. This his happened 2 times, and both time were followed but a lot of serious talking and hugging and I apologize and talk about how bad it is to hurt people and how it’s not ok for me to do it, or for him to do it. I’m therapy for rage and very open about it. I had an abusive relationship In the past. I envisioned raising my kids without violence (like screaming when angry), but I do it anyways. It’s so hard to stay calm when he is hurting someone. He gets grabbed and put into timeout for being willfully disobedient (doing the opposite of what he is asked to do..like this evening he wouldn’t stop licking his grandma, then he punched her!). His younger brother is sweet and very kind, but is starting to exhibit some more negative behaviors that he copies from his brother (pouting, screaming when he is unhappy). Any advice? Sorry for not giving more details now. I’m grasping at straws for how to stop his aggression! We are working on never being aggressive with him, but to stay calm when he is punching feels unrealistical. When I yell, if I am angry enough, it can stop and reset him. He can be very good and focused. He is articulate, creative and adventurous. We (his dad / my husband) and I love him very much, and tell him often. He doesn’t play that well with other kids, so we don’t do it that often. He is unpredictable and can be very unsafe. He can also be very calm and in control, if he is rested, fed, feeling loved. Any descent into discomfort for him results in hurting someone else. I realize that his aggression probably comes from me being aggressive (yelling, and picking up and putting in time out mostly, arm squeezing, just touching him when I’m angry must feel like an angry touch to him). I am working very hard to stop any aggression or violence from me, but I have to work very hard to stay calm! I am overworked and underrested, pretty broke with not many friends. I feel bad for him for dealing with aggression and bad for his brother for having a stressed out mama and a brother that gets most of the attention. Any words of support or advice are welcome. Thanks, J [/QUOTE]
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