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Narcissistic Parents/Investment in success, performance of kids
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666778" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>During what period was this, Cedar? Remember, my sister would not talk to me or answer the phone as my mother was ill.</p><p></p><p>If I had to guess...your sister does not in any way ever want to be vulnerable to you. I do not know exactly why. </p><p></p><p>My sister could show her vulnerability to my mother. But not to me. Nor do I remember for years and years ever showing any vulnerability to her. </p><p></p><p>Except to her I was always vulnerable. That was the role I played, I guess. I am still smarting that she told me that my hair was aging (during the last contact that was superficially cordial.) My sister must spend $350 a month on grooming, alone, not counting clothes. He hair is dyed and coiffed and styled. My hair is silver mink. It goes to my waist and is in a pony tail or a braid. My hair is "aging" because I am.While I absolutely aspire to be a woman of style.. I do not feel comfortable to aspire to create the illusion of youth. Young hair next to wrinkled skin to me looks jarring.</p><p></p><p>Although I may dye my hair Platinum like Lady Gaga.</p><p></p><p>Each sister seeks to gain advantage, to have the power position. They plot. See, in their world view there is always a winner and a loser. A victim and aggressor. </p><p></p><p>They will always maneuver to entrap...to avoid the possibility that we will have the opportunity to defend or to have voice...because they see this as limiting their own. That is why my sister fell apart when I asserted myself even minimally with my mother. For her it is all or nothing. That is why she is such a horrible boss. She needs to subjugate. She does not understand collaboration or reciprocity. Your sister could not have asked you with the truth. She would not empower you to say no.</p><p>This is so helpful, Cedar. I had wanted to ask you how you did it with the animals. That is my biggest stumbling block. I mean, showing up with 3 animals and no home. </p><p></p><p>Where I want to go typically wants a one year lease. Were you able to negotiate to a shorter period? </p><p>But I hope you will always have Serenity and I.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666778, member: 18958"] During what period was this, Cedar? Remember, my sister would not talk to me or answer the phone as my mother was ill. If I had to guess...your sister does not in any way ever want to be vulnerable to you. I do not know exactly why. My sister could show her vulnerability to my mother. But not to me. Nor do I remember for years and years ever showing any vulnerability to her. Except to her I was always vulnerable. That was the role I played, I guess. I am still smarting that she told me that my hair was aging (during the last contact that was superficially cordial.) My sister must spend $350 a month on grooming, alone, not counting clothes. He hair is dyed and coiffed and styled. My hair is silver mink. It goes to my waist and is in a pony tail or a braid. My hair is "aging" because I am.While I absolutely aspire to be a woman of style.. I do not feel comfortable to aspire to create the illusion of youth. Young hair next to wrinkled skin to me looks jarring. Although I may dye my hair Platinum like Lady Gaga. Each sister seeks to gain advantage, to have the power position. They plot. See, in their world view there is always a winner and a loser. A victim and aggressor. They will always maneuver to entrap...to avoid the possibility that we will have the opportunity to defend or to have voice...because they see this as limiting their own. That is why my sister fell apart when I asserted myself even minimally with my mother. For her it is all or nothing. That is why she is such a horrible boss. She needs to subjugate. She does not understand collaboration or reciprocity. Your sister could not have asked you with the truth. She would not empower you to say no. This is so helpful, Cedar. I had wanted to ask you how you did it with the animals. That is my biggest stumbling block. I mean, showing up with 3 animals and no home. Where I want to go typically wants a one year lease. Were you able to negotiate to a shorter period? But I hope you will always have Serenity and I. [/QUOTE]
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