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Nasty letter from father...where my difficult child is living now
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619950" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Just wanted to chime in, it was my mother who tried to destroy me. In my younger years, I almost let her do it. Either parent can. It is our job, if we want to function, to do the best we can to stop trying to get our parents to accept us for who we are. It isn't going to happen and we can't make them. That was something unique to my thought processes, but once I learned it, I could do it. Before that I'd think, "If my mom doesn't love me, who will???" Answer turned out to be, a lot of people. But we have this societal bias clubbed into our heads that our parents must approve of us or we are worthless. Doesn't make sense, really, but very strong message. Then we must detach from them too. Not throw out the door forever...just detach from their cruel words. My father is still rather cruel, but it goes in one ear and out the other. He's 89 and unlikely to suddenly be a nice man. His loss.</p><p></p><p>I do hope this difficult child sees the light about this controlling grandfather and his aunt and uncle who still kiss his feet because he is The Bank. Terrible message to send to your heirs. But each person decides his own destiny. I am angry for you, yet frustrated because you allow his sick, mean old man, who by accident of birth is your DNA father, make you crumble up like a little kid inside. I hope you can use coping skills to get past it. This is not a stable, loving man and what he says to you is not with good will, but from power and control. Detach from him. Prayers sent. And gentle hugs for this garbage of hurt sent to you for no reason other than to...well....hurt you and make you feel bad. So sad, so sad. So sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619950, member: 1550"] Just wanted to chime in, it was my mother who tried to destroy me. In my younger years, I almost let her do it. Either parent can. It is our job, if we want to function, to do the best we can to stop trying to get our parents to accept us for who we are. It isn't going to happen and we can't make them. That was something unique to my thought processes, but once I learned it, I could do it. Before that I'd think, "If my mom doesn't love me, who will???" Answer turned out to be, a lot of people. But we have this societal bias clubbed into our heads that our parents must approve of us or we are worthless. Doesn't make sense, really, but very strong message. Then we must detach from them too. Not throw out the door forever...just detach from their cruel words. My father is still rather cruel, but it goes in one ear and out the other. He's 89 and unlikely to suddenly be a nice man. His loss. I do hope this difficult child sees the light about this controlling grandfather and his aunt and uncle who still kiss his feet because he is The Bank. Terrible message to send to your heirs. But each person decides his own destiny. I am angry for you, yet frustrated because you allow his sick, mean old man, who by accident of birth is your DNA father, make you crumble up like a little kid inside. I hope you can use coping skills to get past it. This is not a stable, loving man and what he says to you is not with good will, but from power and control. Detach from him. Prayers sent. And gentle hugs for this garbage of hurt sent to you for no reason other than to...well....hurt you and make you feel bad. So sad, so sad. So sorry. [/QUOTE]
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