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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 729179" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am breaking this into 2 posts because it is 2 ideas and they each take some space to explain. As you can see, I write a lot.</p><p></p><p>When you ask Lilly things and she gets upset, how do you get her attention? Does she get upset every time you get her attention? Does she react with the hitting and hair pulling, etc... each time you get her attention? </p><p></p><p>You are going to think I have lost my mind when you read about the first part of this. Stick with me. I am NOT crazy. This was the most effective thing I did with my kids. I have not done it regularly in 8 years but I did it last night and it worked just like I had never stopped.</p><p></p><p>I used to have kids that would not give me their attention. When it was time to stop a game or the tv, my oldest child would go into a rage. He was the worst, though the other 2 had problems. I gave warnings. I set timers. I whispered in his ear to get him to hear me. I got down to his level, right in front of his face, between him and the tv, to tell him that he had to stop in five minutes. He would tell me that he heard me and it was okay. In 5 minutes he would swear that I had not given him a warning, I had just stopped his game. Finally my mother told me that I didn't ever actually have his attention, not even when he looked me in the eye and spoke to me. She thought it was karma. I think I called her an Old Bat. She told me I had to figure out a way to get his attention.</p><p></p><p>There was ONE thing that I could whisper from upstairs while my kids were in the middle of a tv show that would have all 3 of them running to me. The word chocolate combined with anything. Chocolate pudding. Chocolate chip cookie dough. Chocolate bar. They would drop ANYTHING and RUN.</p><p></p><p>So I used it.</p><p></p><p>I started saying chocolate chip cookie when I wanted their attention and giving them one every time. After a couple of weeks I tapered it to every 2nd or 3rd time. They never knew. Then I tapered it more. If they stopped paying attention, I gave them rewards more often for a while. I never kept to a reward schedule they could predict. They also never knew if I would say chocolate pudding, chocolate chip cookie, chocolate chip cookie dough, or something else with chocolate.</p><p></p><p>Even after not needing it for years, I was wondering about it last night after talking to my mom, so I tried it. I had some chocolate candy. It worked and we all laughed really hard. Heck, my oldest has his own apartment and pays his own bills. He was visiting for a few minutes when I did it and he STILL was the first one to me! </p><p></p><p>Figure out what you can use as a reward to your daughter for giving you her attention. You may have to start small. I always believed that food was best because it was easily portable and it was an immediate reward. It could be a small reward (a few M&Ms) or a bigger reward (chocolate cake). Either way, it was a payoff NOW, not later like waiting until you get to the store for a toy. </p><p></p><p>It is just a thought.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 729179, member: 1233"] I am breaking this into 2 posts because it is 2 ideas and they each take some space to explain. As you can see, I write a lot. When you ask Lilly things and she gets upset, how do you get her attention? Does she get upset every time you get her attention? Does she react with the hitting and hair pulling, etc... each time you get her attention? You are going to think I have lost my mind when you read about the first part of this. Stick with me. I am NOT crazy. This was the most effective thing I did with my kids. I have not done it regularly in 8 years but I did it last night and it worked just like I had never stopped. I used to have kids that would not give me their attention. When it was time to stop a game or the tv, my oldest child would go into a rage. He was the worst, though the other 2 had problems. I gave warnings. I set timers. I whispered in his ear to get him to hear me. I got down to his level, right in front of his face, between him and the tv, to tell him that he had to stop in five minutes. He would tell me that he heard me and it was okay. In 5 minutes he would swear that I had not given him a warning, I had just stopped his game. Finally my mother told me that I didn't ever actually have his attention, not even when he looked me in the eye and spoke to me. She thought it was karma. I think I called her an Old Bat. She told me I had to figure out a way to get his attention. There was ONE thing that I could whisper from upstairs while my kids were in the middle of a tv show that would have all 3 of them running to me. The word chocolate combined with anything. Chocolate pudding. Chocolate chip cookie dough. Chocolate bar. They would drop ANYTHING and RUN. So I used it. I started saying chocolate chip cookie when I wanted their attention and giving them one every time. After a couple of weeks I tapered it to every 2nd or 3rd time. They never knew. Then I tapered it more. If they stopped paying attention, I gave them rewards more often for a while. I never kept to a reward schedule they could predict. They also never knew if I would say chocolate pudding, chocolate chip cookie, chocolate chip cookie dough, or something else with chocolate. Even after not needing it for years, I was wondering about it last night after talking to my mom, so I tried it. I had some chocolate candy. It worked and we all laughed really hard. Heck, my oldest has his own apartment and pays his own bills. He was visiting for a few minutes when I did it and he STILL was the first one to me! Figure out what you can use as a reward to your daughter for giving you her attention. You may have to start small. I always believed that food was best because it was easily portable and it was an immediate reward. It could be a small reward (a few M&Ms) or a bigger reward (chocolate cake). Either way, it was a payoff NOW, not later like waiting until you get to the store for a toy. It is just a thought. [/QUOTE]
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