RN, he knows how to be a man. All of our adult kids do. Your son has had intensive education in rehab. He, and all difficult adult children who shun growing up, still see men their age dressed in suits or uniforms or jeans easily going to work every single morning. They see young fathers (21-35) outdoors of their apartments or even homes, playing ball with happy children. They see families, with men their ages, eating in restaurants with their families. They know that they are acting like children in comparison to others.
Many immature men pull up their bootstraps and decide to grow up. Some join the military, get steady jobs, or go to college. I am not a fan of the theory that "their brains do not mature until 25-30" so thats their excuse. Even if this is true, most men those ages have a large enough brain to have served in the military, gone to some sort of educational facility to get a career, worked steadily without quitting, becoming husbands and fathers and not living in mom's basement, on mom's dime.
Every single one of our failure to thrive adult kids KNOW what most men their ages are doing. Some of our Peter Pan kids are just incredibly lazy or unwilling to give up drugs.
Never believe our adult kids dont know how they should be acting. And many of functioning adults have anxiety, depression, even bipolar. But they are mature enough to push on and do life anyway and to probably accept help. This unwillingness of our kids to accept good help rests squarely on the shoulders of our childlike sons and daughters.
Our adult kids turn their cheeks at the majority who are responsible...why? in my opinion it is because, for various reasons, they prefer to let dad and mom continue to meet their needs. And arent they so good at making us feel sorry for them? For making our hearts weep and temporarily believe they really cant do it? Do life? Without us?
One of our cell phone reps is in a wheel chair. His body is twisted. He cant straighten out one arm and cant walk. But he serves the customers well. Are our kids REALLY incapable??? When this young man works every day? I hate to blow my own kid's horn, but what about my autistic son who was born with crack in his system? Yet he is kind and hard working, in spite of that, and does not whine about his challenges or being adopted...difficult kids in my opinion magnify their issues. My Bart does this. Nobody has it as bad as he does...the world picks on Bart!!
It is certainly much easier four our kids to do nothing productive, if we allow it.
