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Substance Abuse
Need Advice-19 yr old college son trying marijuanna and ?
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 7557" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Hi and welcome to the site.</p><p></p><p>First, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but with "7 to 9 bags" of marijuana in his car, are you sure that he's just using and not also selling? It sounds like he's done a lot more than just "try" it. A kid with "7 to 9 bags" of grass in his car is not just in the experimental stages.</p><p></p><p>Second, you are ABSOLUTELY right in refusing to subsidize his bad behavior. And you have the right and the obligation to keep these bad influences away from your younger children, and to keep his drugs out of your home. Drugs in your home should be a non-negotiable issue. You also have the right to demand that he treat you with respect. You do NOT have to put up with defiance and verbal abuse in your home from a "child" that you are spending thousands of dollars on to support and send to college!</p><p></p><p>Have you seen his grades from this last semester? What I mean ... is he doing well in school and getting some benefit out of your hard-earned tuition money, and taking advantage of the opportunity he has been given to go to college? Or are there signs that the partying and drugs are becoming more important to him than his school work?</p><p></p><p>Maybe part of the problem is that he "has everything" and doesn't appreciate it. He has no idea how fortunate he is to have a new car, his college tuition paid, and plenty of spending money! Most kids would do anything to have that opportunity! And I agree, his "threat" to go out on his own was an attempt to punish YOU ... he's trying to manipulate you. He's counting on you being so worried about him being "on his own" that you will soften your stance and give in. Don't do it! If he threatens this again, you might just take him up on it and see what his reaction is!</p><p></p><p>You might also remind him that nineteen is plenty old enough to get a job and be self-supporting, if he doesn't want to take advantage of the college education he is being offered. Thousands of young men his same age are in the Mid East right now, serving in the military, in harms way. Both of my kids were working full time by this age and paying for their own vehicles, clothing, insurance, spending money ... everything. My daughter had already gone through nursing school and was working the 3 pm to 11 pm shift in a hospital a month after her 20th birthday!</p><p></p><p>You can't control your sons' behavior. You can only control your own reaction to it! You are not OBLIGATED to send this kid to college - it should be thought of as a "gift" that you are willing to give on YOUR terms and your terms only. YOU should be the one calling all the shots - it's YOUR money. Plenty of people who really want an education work their way through school. He's very fortunate and doesn't realize it. At his age you are not even obligated to support him, much less send him to college, buy him a new car and furnish him with lots of spending money! Maybe he needs to be reminded of this! You can pay his tuition, but you can't make him take advantage of the opportunities he has been given. This is his decision to make, but it should be on YOUR terms. If worse comes to worse, you may just have to bite the bullet and let him fall. It's not as easy to be "on your own" as he seems to think it is. He may just have to find this out for himself and learn the hard way! </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, Dad, and stick to your guns. You're doing the right thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 7557, member: 1883"] Hi and welcome to the site. First, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but with "7 to 9 bags" of marijuana in his car, are you sure that he's just using and not also selling? It sounds like he's done a lot more than just "try" it. A kid with "7 to 9 bags" of grass in his car is not just in the experimental stages. Second, you are ABSOLUTELY right in refusing to subsidize his bad behavior. And you have the right and the obligation to keep these bad influences away from your younger children, and to keep his drugs out of your home. Drugs in your home should be a non-negotiable issue. You also have the right to demand that he treat you with respect. You do NOT have to put up with defiance and verbal abuse in your home from a "child" that you are spending thousands of dollars on to support and send to college! Have you seen his grades from this last semester? What I mean ... is he doing well in school and getting some benefit out of your hard-earned tuition money, and taking advantage of the opportunity he has been given to go to college? Or are there signs that the partying and drugs are becoming more important to him than his school work? Maybe part of the problem is that he "has everything" and doesn't appreciate it. He has no idea how fortunate he is to have a new car, his college tuition paid, and plenty of spending money! Most kids would do anything to have that opportunity! And I agree, his "threat" to go out on his own was an attempt to punish YOU ... he's trying to manipulate you. He's counting on you being so worried about him being "on his own" that you will soften your stance and give in. Don't do it! If he threatens this again, you might just take him up on it and see what his reaction is! You might also remind him that nineteen is plenty old enough to get a job and be self-supporting, if he doesn't want to take advantage of the college education he is being offered. Thousands of young men his same age are in the Mid East right now, serving in the military, in harms way. Both of my kids were working full time by this age and paying for their own vehicles, clothing, insurance, spending money ... everything. My daughter had already gone through nursing school and was working the 3 pm to 11 pm shift in a hospital a month after her 20th birthday! You can't control your sons' behavior. You can only control your own reaction to it! You are not OBLIGATED to send this kid to college - it should be thought of as a "gift" that you are willing to give on YOUR terms and your terms only. YOU should be the one calling all the shots - it's YOUR money. Plenty of people who really want an education work their way through school. He's very fortunate and doesn't realize it. At his age you are not even obligated to support him, much less send him to college, buy him a new car and furnish him with lots of spending money! Maybe he needs to be reminded of this! You can pay his tuition, but you can't make him take advantage of the opportunities he has been given. This is his decision to make, but it should be on YOUR terms. If worse comes to worse, you may just have to bite the bullet and let him fall. It's not as easy to be "on your own" as he seems to think it is. He may just have to find this out for himself and learn the hard way! Hang in there, Dad, and stick to your guns. You're doing the right thing. [/QUOTE]
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Need Advice-19 yr old college son trying marijuanna and ?
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