Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need Advice ASAP
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 305482" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>The school must either conduct a full Special Education evaluation or tell you in writing why they do not suspect a disability within 30 days of your written request for an evaluation.</p><p></p><p>If you have only asked for an evaluation informally (i.e. verbally) it is time to do it in writing to the head of Special Education with copies to the principal of your son's school.</p><p></p><p>Under IDEA 2004 they are legally required to initiate an evaluation or tell you their reasons for not proceeding. Clearly they have every reason to suspect a disability. They are giving you the run around if they told you they "won't" do it right now.</p><p></p><p>You have to pick your battles. If pushing him to do homework when he first comes home = explosion, perhaps it would be better to give him a snack, give him a set time to play and then start homework. Also, I would only ask him to sit and work for 15 minutes at a time. Use a timer and set it for 15 minutes (or less to begin with if 15 minutes is too much) so he will know on his own when the time is up.</p><p></p><p>If possible sit at the table with him and do book work of your own. Keep him company without being intrusive.</p><p></p><p>Also, if his sister needs much help with homework I would set it up so they are not doing homework at the same time.</p><p></p><p>That's good that you're working with a pediatrician psychiatrist but that doesn't necessarily mean he/she is a good psychiatrist or making the right treatment recommendations. If he/she doesn't want to make any medication changes or only wants to keep increasing the current medication I would be very blunt and ask for the doctor's reasoning and what his/her plan is - what's the next step, what would trigger a change in medications, etc. With this information you can be a better judge of whether you agree with the psychiatrist and you will also be in a better position to know under what circumstances the psychiatrist needs to hear from you or would make medication changes.</p><p></p><p>You're not a failure. You are facing a tough situation for which you could not have prepared. You are doing the best you can. When you lose it (as we ALL have done) do your best to pull back and get calm again ASAP. If you have to take a time out yourself and can do so safely, then do it. Lock yourself in the bathroom and wash your face, go outside and focus completely on your surroundings - a flower or leaf or the clouds - anything to help yourself calm down and take a step back. Try your best to see his behavior as a symptom not a personal attack.</p><p></p><p>With our son, NO in reaction to requests usually means that he is anxious about something. He is often anxious that he isn't going to get to play. Play is a BIG stress reducer for our son - partly because it's a physical release of his tension. Water is also a great stress reducer for him - even washing the dishes helps him calm down. Taking a shower, having a bubble bath - if your difficult child's a water kid then try that when he's starting to simmer.</p><p></p><p>If you can tell that he's going to blow on you before you even make a request like "do your homework" I would switch plans mid-stream. There is no homework god that will throw lightning bolts if your son doesn't do his homework right away - or even at all. in my humble opinion you want to focus on helping him to stay calm and in control. This is WAY more important than doing his homework in my book.</p><p></p><p>Why?</p><p></p><p>1. Every time he melts down it almost certainly increases the likelihood that he will have another one. It is creating a path in his brain that gets triggered more and more easily when a given combination of events occurs, in this case, he has been in school all day doing his best to hold it together, he wants and needs to go play, you are telling him he has to keep holding it together even though school is over, and you are telling him he doesn't get to go play. For him it doesn't matter that he will get to play in 20 or 30 minutes. That is a lifetime to him. For us, reducing the frequency and intensity of the melt downs helped immensely more than fighting the melt downs after they happened.</p><p></p><p>2. You do not want to reinforce the power struggle between you and your child if at all possible. That's why you pick your battles. Save your "I'm the parent and you will do what I tell you" mode for times when there really is no other way to get the result you want and the issue is VERY important - for example not playing with fire. Even then, it is often possible to get the result you want without engaging in a power struggle. You must be a detective and figure out what works with your child best. Is it a snack? A back rub? The ability to choose when he does his homework (now or 30 minutes from now?) within a time frame you set up - you get the idea.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 305482, member: 7948"] The school must either conduct a full Special Education evaluation or tell you in writing why they do not suspect a disability within 30 days of your written request for an evaluation. If you have only asked for an evaluation informally (i.e. verbally) it is time to do it in writing to the head of Special Education with copies to the principal of your son's school. Under IDEA 2004 they are legally required to initiate an evaluation or tell you their reasons for not proceeding. Clearly they have every reason to suspect a disability. They are giving you the run around if they told you they "won't" do it right now. You have to pick your battles. If pushing him to do homework when he first comes home = explosion, perhaps it would be better to give him a snack, give him a set time to play and then start homework. Also, I would only ask him to sit and work for 15 minutes at a time. Use a timer and set it for 15 minutes (or less to begin with if 15 minutes is too much) so he will know on his own when the time is up. If possible sit at the table with him and do book work of your own. Keep him company without being intrusive. Also, if his sister needs much help with homework I would set it up so they are not doing homework at the same time. That's good that you're working with a pediatrician psychiatrist but that doesn't necessarily mean he/she is a good psychiatrist or making the right treatment recommendations. If he/she doesn't want to make any medication changes or only wants to keep increasing the current medication I would be very blunt and ask for the doctor's reasoning and what his/her plan is - what's the next step, what would trigger a change in medications, etc. With this information you can be a better judge of whether you agree with the psychiatrist and you will also be in a better position to know under what circumstances the psychiatrist needs to hear from you or would make medication changes. You're not a failure. You are facing a tough situation for which you could not have prepared. You are doing the best you can. When you lose it (as we ALL have done) do your best to pull back and get calm again ASAP. If you have to take a time out yourself and can do so safely, then do it. Lock yourself in the bathroom and wash your face, go outside and focus completely on your surroundings - a flower or leaf or the clouds - anything to help yourself calm down and take a step back. Try your best to see his behavior as a symptom not a personal attack. With our son, NO in reaction to requests usually means that he is anxious about something. He is often anxious that he isn't going to get to play. Play is a BIG stress reducer for our son - partly because it's a physical release of his tension. Water is also a great stress reducer for him - even washing the dishes helps him calm down. Taking a shower, having a bubble bath - if your difficult child's a water kid then try that when he's starting to simmer. If you can tell that he's going to blow on you before you even make a request like "do your homework" I would switch plans mid-stream. There is no homework god that will throw lightning bolts if your son doesn't do his homework right away - or even at all. in my humble opinion you want to focus on helping him to stay calm and in control. This is WAY more important than doing his homework in my book. Why? 1. Every time he melts down it almost certainly increases the likelihood that he will have another one. It is creating a path in his brain that gets triggered more and more easily when a given combination of events occurs, in this case, he has been in school all day doing his best to hold it together, he wants and needs to go play, you are telling him he has to keep holding it together even though school is over, and you are telling him he doesn't get to go play. For him it doesn't matter that he will get to play in 20 or 30 minutes. That is a lifetime to him. For us, reducing the frequency and intensity of the melt downs helped immensely more than fighting the melt downs after they happened. 2. You do not want to reinforce the power struggle between you and your child if at all possible. That's why you pick your battles. Save your "I'm the parent and you will do what I tell you" mode for times when there really is no other way to get the result you want and the issue is VERY important - for example not playing with fire. Even then, it is often possible to get the result you want without engaging in a power struggle. You must be a detective and figure out what works with your child best. Is it a snack? A back rub? The ability to choose when he does his homework (now or 30 minutes from now?) within a time frame you set up - you get the idea. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need Advice ASAP
Top