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Need advice, regarding my 19 year old who smokes pot
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 493417"><p>Ok so he has admitted to using other stuff and to huffing duster.... it is likely he is only telling you part of the story. In general I think it is usually much worse than we think it is. So yes you have every right to be very concerned. </p><p></p><p>I agree in theory with your taking a stand, its college or drugs. Problem is it is going to be hard to carry it out... you are not going to know if he is adhering to any agreement to not do drugs. He will probably go underground with it and you won't know he is doing it. I remember once talking to my son about the harder drugs and he said something like "do you really think I am stupid enough to do something like heroin?". Since then he has told me he has snorted heroin twice.... so in fact he was that stupid.</p><p></p><p>So whatever line you draw it has to be a line you can see and know if it is being crossed or not. I don't see how you are going to do that with drug use when he is on campus away at college. If he wants to he will get around you. It is easier to tell if he is living at home.... So you need a measure that you can see and believe which is why I think looking at grades etc. makes sense.</p><p></p><p>I get where you are I think. I think you are still at the point where you think you can control his drug use... by withholding college funds. What I have come to realize is that I cannot control my sons drug use. I really can't. I can control what I give him and the ways in which I help him. I do not give him cash for anything. Period. I will help him get treatment, I will not help him do things that will lead to drug use..... and I realize that he may abuse some of the things I do for him.</p><p></p><p>So I really would think about what you want to do here.... if it was me, I think I would pay for classes (directly), pay for the dorm or apartment (directly), pay for books (directly).... something like that. I would not give him cash or money for anything.</p><p></p><p>Even if he is using drugs, if he is going to school and keeping up his grades he is ahead of the game a bit than being on the street totally into the drug world. If he stops going to college what do you think he will do? </p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 493417"] Ok so he has admitted to using other stuff and to huffing duster.... it is likely he is only telling you part of the story. In general I think it is usually much worse than we think it is. So yes you have every right to be very concerned. I agree in theory with your taking a stand, its college or drugs. Problem is it is going to be hard to carry it out... you are not going to know if he is adhering to any agreement to not do drugs. He will probably go underground with it and you won't know he is doing it. I remember once talking to my son about the harder drugs and he said something like "do you really think I am stupid enough to do something like heroin?". Since then he has told me he has snorted heroin twice.... so in fact he was that stupid. So whatever line you draw it has to be a line you can see and know if it is being crossed or not. I don't see how you are going to do that with drug use when he is on campus away at college. If he wants to he will get around you. It is easier to tell if he is living at home.... So you need a measure that you can see and believe which is why I think looking at grades etc. makes sense. I get where you are I think. I think you are still at the point where you think you can control his drug use... by withholding college funds. What I have come to realize is that I cannot control my sons drug use. I really can't. I can control what I give him and the ways in which I help him. I do not give him cash for anything. Period. I will help him get treatment, I will not help him do things that will lead to drug use..... and I realize that he may abuse some of the things I do for him. So I really would think about what you want to do here.... if it was me, I think I would pay for classes (directly), pay for the dorm or apartment (directly), pay for books (directly).... something like that. I would not give him cash or money for anything. Even if he is using drugs, if he is going to school and keeping up his grades he is ahead of the game a bit than being on the street totally into the drug world. If he stops going to college what do you think he will do? TL [/QUOTE]
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Need advice, regarding my 19 year old who smokes pot
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