Actually, saying, "I understand. Mom" is what mature, healthy 23 year olds do say. My kids are all doing well now and none on them, including my twenty year old girl, would cause this degree of drama. It is hard for those with no experience with mature grown kids to even imagine how a normal 23 year old acts. My daughter's 20th is coming and we asked her what she wanted for her birthday.
It was too expensive. We felt bad. This is the kind of adult child we'd trust with, say, a new car if we could afford one, although she wanted something way less dramatic than a car. When we told her we couldn't, you could tell she was disappointed, but she said, "Dont worry about it, guys. I'm 20 and have a job and I can get that myself. Anything you get, I'lll like it." She was very upbeat.
I don't think my daughter is that different from other young adults. I think difficult adult children are the ones who are in the minority. They fail to transition from seeing us as "mommy who gives me stuff and does hard things for me" to "Mother, who I love and care about and whom is also an adult like me. We care about one another's needs."
Anyway, I'm glad you came to a resolution that you can live with too, WSM. And I hope this girlfriend is not the one who did heroin with your son. Bad karma there.
My husband also would not want to go on vacation without me. But he is crazy about his children. If they were still minor kids and I said,"Honey, I don't feel right going, but please take the kids. That's what I want," then he would go.
I wish your family the best. In the end, the addiction disease affects everyone in the family. It's a selfish illness that hurts and has no up side. Understand that by staying home, you can't stop your son from getting into more trouble, although I desperately hope he does not. Hugs to you. Again.
