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Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690099" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi TL.</p><p></p><p>You know that I have come to the same position. I was helped to it, by my son. First, I saw he was adhering to some limit setting by me. Second, everywhere else doors were closed. He had us, only. That changed his motivation so that the preponderance of his energy is to go along with what we want, not to fight us.</p><p></p><p>I see no problem what so ever to setting limits with our children, and telling them exactly the consequence of their behavior. I do not see this as punitive. I see it as real life.</p><p></p><p>I believe WSM is torn up inside because she feels her husband is rejecting her child and to some extent or another has had a double standard from the beginning. So, setting limits, for her son has become completely intertwined with the sense that he will feel rejected.</p><p></p><p>That confusion may be only in WSM, or it may be in son as well.</p><p></p><p>Consistently what I have been referring to in my posts, is this. The truth will not harm. Secrets harm.</p><p></p><p>It may be that WSM needs to have an honest talk with herself, to figure out what her priorities are and what she wants. And then, work out her life in accordance to this honest self-appraisal.</p><p></p><p>WSM, I am sorry for the tangle you find yourself in. Only you will be able to straighten out. I hope you post. We do care, here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690099, member: 18958"] Hi TL. You know that I have come to the same position. I was helped to it, by my son. First, I saw he was adhering to some limit setting by me. Second, everywhere else doors were closed. He had us, only. That changed his motivation so that the preponderance of his energy is to go along with what we want, not to fight us. I see no problem what so ever to setting limits with our children, and telling them exactly the consequence of their behavior. I do not see this as punitive. I see it as real life. I believe WSM is torn up inside because she feels her husband is rejecting her child and to some extent or another has had a double standard from the beginning. So, setting limits, for her son has become completely intertwined with the sense that he will feel rejected. That confusion may be only in WSM, or it may be in son as well. Consistently what I have been referring to in my posts, is this. The truth will not harm. Secrets harm. It may be that WSM needs to have an honest talk with herself, to figure out what her priorities are and what she wants. And then, work out her life in accordance to this honest self-appraisal. WSM, I am sorry for the tangle you find yourself in. Only you will be able to straighten out. I hope you post. We do care, here. [/QUOTE]
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