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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690116" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>The thing is this: On the chance it will happen again (any dangerous or abusive behavior by a difficult child, or anybody else), how long do we exclude, banish a family member?</p><p></p><p>It is not such a simple decision because the smaller children can pay a price either way. Children will often look at what happens to other family members (seeing it as punishment and extrapolate from that--about themselves. And they do not think logically.) They are ruled by guilt and fear.</p><p></p><p>If son is banished, they may will begin to think that they will be too for minor and inconsequential things. And a parent will not know how they are thinking. They have watched what happened around them and change their view of their world. I am not saying here to disregard danger. I am saying it is a balancing act.</p><p></p><p>Every single one of the children on CD that I can think of has done something, many things, that could be seen as cause for exclusion. <em>I am not saying that opioid use is not a big thing. </em></p><p></p><p>This post is about exclusion and favoritism, and coming to grips with the reality of it, and what to do. WSM did not post asking about heroin--and how to respond.</p><p></p><p>While the majority of our kids here on CD are not involved with heroin, most of our kids have been violent in one way or another and abusive. While we are about many things here on CD, detaching, etc.--we are also about knowing when and how to try again. Every parent makes his or her own decisions, and should.</p><p></p><p>WSM wanted her son to go. That is the whole point of the post. She was willing to risk it. She did not want to exclude her son.</p><p></p><p>Whether we feel that recent recovery from heroin addiction is cause for exclusion, is not the point. She does not.</p><p></p><p>While WSM has made her decision (and may or may not return to CD) I hope this thread guides other parents in similar circumstances.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690116, member: 18958"] The thing is this: On the chance it will happen again (any dangerous or abusive behavior by a difficult child, or anybody else), how long do we exclude, banish a family member? It is not such a simple decision because the smaller children can pay a price either way. Children will often look at what happens to other family members (seeing it as punishment and extrapolate from that--about themselves. And they do not think logically.) They are ruled by guilt and fear. If son is banished, they may will begin to think that they will be too for minor and inconsequential things. And a parent will not know how they are thinking. They have watched what happened around them and change their view of their world. I am not saying here to disregard danger. I am saying it is a balancing act. Every single one of the children on CD that I can think of has done something, many things, that could be seen as cause for exclusion. [I]I am not saying that opioid use is not a big thing. [/I] This post is about exclusion and favoritism, and coming to grips with the reality of it, and what to do. WSM did not post asking about heroin--and how to respond. While the majority of our kids here on CD are not involved with heroin, most of our kids have been violent in one way or another and abusive. While we are about many things here on CD, detaching, etc.--we are also about knowing when and how to try again. Every parent makes his or her own decisions, and should. WSM wanted her son to go. That is the whole point of the post. She was willing to risk it. She did not want to exclude her son. Whether we feel that recent recovery from heroin addiction is cause for exclusion, is not the point. She does not. While WSM has made her decision (and may or may not return to CD) I hope this thread guides other parents in similar circumstances. [/QUOTE]
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