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Need help adult daughter wont talk to me.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 517398" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You don't need money to get help, and you need help. Your local mental health facility could have better therapists than a high priced facility and they work on a sliding scale. Sometimes they are free. You can call them, make an appointment., and start healing. You may need depression medications and they provide an on-sight medical person as well. You can also see if there is some woman's empowerment self-help group to go with the therapy (I think self-help groups rock) or Families Ananymous. If you belong to a church talk to somebody there. You don't need money to get help. I think Narc-Anon would be a good choice where you could get some really good advice and friendship. Your daughter is obviously into drugs and drugs are very powerful..</p><p></p><p>Dotty, take my word on this. I did what you did to my son (not as badly, but pretty much the same). He wouldn't talk to me, so I'd send him begging letters then nasty ones after he didn't respond. All it did was make both of them not respect me and laugh at me and the wife says she is afraid of me. I was a stay at home mom too. I did everything. Hub did nothing. We are divorced and he will give hub some of his time, but not me. I no longer care, but it used to kill me. Take my word for it...you are not only losing her, you are making her have no respect for you. She is not remembering things the way that you do. She has her own distorted memories and every time you beg, she is thinking you are "crazy" (that's probably where she got the psychotic). PLEASE...don't do this anymore. It will only make things worse. YOU ARE ALSO LOSING THE RESPECT OF YOUR OTHER KIDS!!!! You need to look STRONG for your other kids. They can't see you weeping all the time.</p><p></p><p>It makes no difference if Bozo has cost her other friends or if she has lost other firneds due to Bozo. The other friends don't care. Your daughter doesn't care. </p><p></p><p>When I finally saw my son for the last time, I at least retained my dignity. I didn't beg him for anything. I listened to his ridiculous accusations that weren't true and watched his wife wail that she was afraid of me because I wrote letters. They had scanned every letter I ever wrote into their computer. My therapist told me it was so that he could remember why he was mad and to stay mad. He doesn't want to have a relationship with me and I finally realize that I not only can't force it and won't try every again...I know that he is not the same man (he is now 34) that I thought he was or that he used to be...or that maybe he never really was. If he ever comes back, it will be his decision and his alone and he will never again see me beg. I kept my chin up and walked away...and it was finally over. I'm not telling you to give up...I'm just saying that what you are doing is NOT effective.</p><p></p><p>Your husband is going to give her money. She is not angry at him, whether or not he was there for her. You have to accept both things and try not to dwell on them. You can't control him or your daughter.</p><p></p><p>I am guessing that, although you were and are a very good parent, you CAN be a bit controlling with your kids. It is time in my opinion to realize she is 22 and will make her own mistakes. You are on the verge of divorce to her father so you can not really say much about her boyfriend choice. I was divorced myself and do not feel I have the right to tell my kids that they have picked the wrong person. I don't like my oldest daughters SO, but I let her make her decisions about him. I think she is going to leave him, but I do more listening than advising. I do not want to drive her away, but I also want to be her rock if her world falls apart. If I get too bossy, she won't confide in me anymore. I hope this made sense :/</p><p></p><p>Lastly and once again, PLEASE get help. You MUST let go of your daughter for your own mental health and to give your relationship a chance. If you go too far, it may never be the same. You still have a chance, but you can not force that in any way. All you can do is drive her away. Please, please...go get help. (((Hugs)))!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 517398, member: 1550"] You don't need money to get help, and you need help. Your local mental health facility could have better therapists than a high priced facility and they work on a sliding scale. Sometimes they are free. You can call them, make an appointment., and start healing. You may need depression medications and they provide an on-sight medical person as well. You can also see if there is some woman's empowerment self-help group to go with the therapy (I think self-help groups rock) or Families Ananymous. If you belong to a church talk to somebody there. You don't need money to get help. I think Narc-Anon would be a good choice where you could get some really good advice and friendship. Your daughter is obviously into drugs and drugs are very powerful.. Dotty, take my word on this. I did what you did to my son (not as badly, but pretty much the same). He wouldn't talk to me, so I'd send him begging letters then nasty ones after he didn't respond. All it did was make both of them not respect me and laugh at me and the wife says she is afraid of me. I was a stay at home mom too. I did everything. Hub did nothing. We are divorced and he will give hub some of his time, but not me. I no longer care, but it used to kill me. Take my word for it...you are not only losing her, you are making her have no respect for you. She is not remembering things the way that you do. She has her own distorted memories and every time you beg, she is thinking you are "crazy" (that's probably where she got the psychotic). PLEASE...don't do this anymore. It will only make things worse. YOU ARE ALSO LOSING THE RESPECT OF YOUR OTHER KIDS!!!! You need to look STRONG for your other kids. They can't see you weeping all the time. It makes no difference if Bozo has cost her other friends or if she has lost other firneds due to Bozo. The other friends don't care. Your daughter doesn't care. When I finally saw my son for the last time, I at least retained my dignity. I didn't beg him for anything. I listened to his ridiculous accusations that weren't true and watched his wife wail that she was afraid of me because I wrote letters. They had scanned every letter I ever wrote into their computer. My therapist told me it was so that he could remember why he was mad and to stay mad. He doesn't want to have a relationship with me and I finally realize that I not only can't force it and won't try every again...I know that he is not the same man (he is now 34) that I thought he was or that he used to be...or that maybe he never really was. If he ever comes back, it will be his decision and his alone and he will never again see me beg. I kept my chin up and walked away...and it was finally over. I'm not telling you to give up...I'm just saying that what you are doing is NOT effective. Your husband is going to give her money. She is not angry at him, whether or not he was there for her. You have to accept both things and try not to dwell on them. You can't control him or your daughter. I am guessing that, although you were and are a very good parent, you CAN be a bit controlling with your kids. It is time in my opinion to realize she is 22 and will make her own mistakes. You are on the verge of divorce to her father so you can not really say much about her boyfriend choice. I was divorced myself and do not feel I have the right to tell my kids that they have picked the wrong person. I don't like my oldest daughters SO, but I let her make her decisions about him. I think she is going to leave him, but I do more listening than advising. I do not want to drive her away, but I also want to be her rock if her world falls apart. If I get too bossy, she won't confide in me anymore. I hope this made sense :/ Lastly and once again, PLEASE get help. You MUST let go of your daughter for your own mental health and to give your relationship a chance. If you go too far, it may never be the same. You still have a chance, but you can not force that in any way. All you can do is drive her away. Please, please...go get help. (((Hugs)))! [/QUOTE]
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