dotty...ok, you are talking in circles. We know how you feel. Maybe you were a little mean. So what? We all aren't perfect. Your daughter is A LOT mean. I would happily give anyone a wide berth who acted like that. Yes, even a child. Being my child doesn't give my kids a right to slap me or abuse me.
The biggest abuser of yourself is yourself. You have two choices (I'm copying from Star here):
1/You can get help and move on
2/You can wallow in self-pity, wring your hands, and wait for heinous daughter to decide it's ok for you to speak to her and her lousy boyfriend.
You have to make the decision. We can't do it for you. I know what I did. I moved on. And I am POSITIVE I won't see Scott anymore and I'm also positive that my life is better without him, his games, his control, his nasty wife and his lousy, disrespectful attitude, not to mention his silly misconceptions about his childhood.
I have four other children. I can not waste minutes of my life (that I can't get back) worrying about Scott anymore. I felt bad too at first untill I realized that it isn't me, it's HIM. He's the unforgiving, dramatic one who made the decision. It's not me who said, "You did _________ or you did ____________".
Dotty, it is not worth it to sit around and just brood. Did you call a psychiatrist or a therapist yet? Do you have an appointment? If you don't have insurance there are county mental health centers. in my opinion you really need to set up an appointment YESTERDAY and go ASAP. I understand why you are sad...that little girl that was once so cute rejected you, but she's not a little girl any more and she's a totally different person. Now it's time to acknowledge that and to find out who Dotty is. You are not a mother first. You are yourself first. We all are.
"Wherever you go, there you are."
Huggles 
