Dotty, you have to see that something is seriously wrong that you just cannot let this go. You keep saying that you didn't do anything, you don't understand why she is doing this to you, but in going over some of your posts you stated
"Then I get into my rants and get angry when she doesn't respond so then I send meaner texts saying I can't believe she is with such a loser and alienated her family because of him, and that I didn't raise her to be a *****, living with a pothead, and that I feel sorry for her, etc. etc. etc. You get the drift. Or "I am willing to take full responsibility for the what I did to her. I was mean to her. I rode her constantly about her boyfriend I hated. I was a bad mom, verbally abusive, mentally abusive and I drove my daughter nuts. I pushed her closer to him. I yelled, I screamed, I demanded things of her all because I didn,'t like the boy she was dating. Or But to see her cocky attitude with her frizzed up hair and way too much makeup and that smirk I hate so much. Or Another thing I realized today. I always believed my daughter was too good for this boy, that she deserved someone better. I was wrong. They are perfectly suited to one another. She is where she needs to be and with who she needs to be with. They are very much the same and deserve each other more than any two people ever should. Or Yes I'm angry. Yes I'm hurt, but I won't allow someone like her to destroy me anymore. She is dead to me. And then you proceed to text her again.
I am sure each and every one of us has said something hateful to someone we love, in the total frustration of a situation, and we are sorry and apologize and go on. When it comes to a point where it is constant, then it becomes a real problem. Sometimes one has to look at one's behavior and delve into whether or not we played a part and how big of a part of what has come to pass. You alternate between blaming yourself, blaming her, blaming yourself, blaming her and the boyfriend. Your relationship with your sister you said was an ok one, now you are blaming her for trying to take over your daughters affections because she is childless and wants your daughter to be the daughter she never had.
Really you need to stop and get off the merry go round or you will totally alienate everyone around you. Your situation really hits home with me with my own relationship with my mother. As long as I was doing what she wanted, things would be fine. The minute I went off and do what I wanted (whether or not it was a good thing), she would try and control the situation with hurtful words, and when the words didn't work, she would try and get physical. My only saving grace with her was that I lived 3,000 miles away so any contact with on a superficial basis-I was never able to share any of my life with her as she would find a way to use it against me, twisting any situation that she felt I was making a mis step where you wouldn't even recognize what was originally told to her. I had years of therapy and was able to understand why she was the way she was was and her need to try and totally control everything around her - the sad part was she never went to therapy herself to try and understand why she was the way she was. It was hard to let the relationship with her go, and she passed away with our never having a good mother daughter relationship. Trust me, you do not want that to happen to your and your daughters relationship. Had she dealt with her own issues, there may have been some hope for us, but she felt it was never about her, only me.
I honestly hope you continue with your therapy and get some control over your life and close relationships with your family.
Marcie
