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Need help (or an intervention) - she stepped up her game
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 701587" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>That's a horrible way to wake up and start your day.....I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know that sense of dread you're experiencing, I've spent a good amount of time there too. It's good you got to the gym, that helps.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others, don't send money. You've done enough. If she is in the hospital, she is already being treated and if she cannot pay the bill, I imagine the hospital there will make arrangements with her to pay. <u><strong><em>It is not your responsibility.</em> </strong></u></p><p></p><p>Putting herself in these health crisis' is the next step in her manipulation to get her way. Our adult kids seem to have a handbook for this and your daughter has memorized the chapter on "How to scare your parents into giving you what you want." There may be another chapter after this one, "what to do if your parents don't respond to scaring them about your health." Be prepared.</p><p></p><p>Once we refrain from responding, it's pretty remarkable how our adult troubled kids find resources on their own, but their first line of defense is usually US. Allow her to find her own way. <em>That is what adults do. <u><strong>She is an adult.</strong></u> </em></p><p></p><p>If you haven't already, take out your tool box of resources to use when our kids up the ante. First of all, focus on YOU, take care of YOU. If you have a counselor or a place to go to get support, you may want to get yourself there. <em>Balance the fear you feel with self care. </em></p><p></p><p>I think giving her the number for emergency services through our government is a good idea. Someday you won't be around to save her and she will have to figure it out on her own, this is good training for that. </p><p></p><p>A standard line many of us use in these types of extreme coercion is, "I love you. I'm confident you can figure this out." Short and to the point. Refrain as much as you can, in these cases, less is better. Don't allow your daughter to drain you emotionally and financially.......I don't know what your financial situation is but perhaps at some point you might tell your daughter that all of your finances are now tied up in retirement funding and you cannot touch it! </p><p></p><p>I'd be angry too. You're being manipulated and that feels really bad. Hang in there. Keep posting your way through this and get support.......we're here for you.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 701587, member: 13542"] That's a horrible way to wake up and start your day.....I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know that sense of dread you're experiencing, I've spent a good amount of time there too. It's good you got to the gym, that helps. I agree with the others, don't send money. You've done enough. If she is in the hospital, she is already being treated and if she cannot pay the bill, I imagine the hospital there will make arrangements with her to pay. [U][B][I]It is not your responsibility.[/I] [/B][/U] Putting herself in these health crisis' is the next step in her manipulation to get her way. Our adult kids seem to have a handbook for this and your daughter has memorized the chapter on "How to scare your parents into giving you what you want." There may be another chapter after this one, "what to do if your parents don't respond to scaring them about your health." Be prepared. Once we refrain from responding, it's pretty remarkable how our adult troubled kids find resources on their own, but their first line of defense is usually US. Allow her to find her own way. [I]That is what adults do. [U][B]She is an adult.[/B][/U] [/I] If you haven't already, take out your tool box of resources to use when our kids up the ante. First of all, focus on YOU, take care of YOU. If you have a counselor or a place to go to get support, you may want to get yourself there. [I]Balance the fear you feel with self care. [/I] I think giving her the number for emergency services through our government is a good idea. Someday you won't be around to save her and she will have to figure it out on her own, this is good training for that. A standard line many of us use in these types of extreme coercion is, "I love you. I'm confident you can figure this out." Short and to the point. Refrain as much as you can, in these cases, less is better. Don't allow your daughter to drain you emotionally and financially.......I don't know what your financial situation is but perhaps at some point you might tell your daughter that all of your finances are now tied up in retirement funding and you cannot touch it! I'd be angry too. You're being manipulated and that feels really bad. Hang in there. Keep posting your way through this and get support.......we're here for you..... [/QUOTE]
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Need help (or an intervention) - she stepped up her game
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