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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 752556" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Trying...hang in there. “There is always sunshine after the rain”. </p><p></p><p>I feel for myself what makes me suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not. We want adult sons to handle “things” the way we would-right? The reality is that this is their life, their journey. Being able to accept “what is” is I believe our lesson we must learn. </p><p></p><p>We have no control over what transpires in their lives but what we do have, is control of our response to the situation.</p><p></p><p>It’s what we do or fail to do that perpetuates this scenario and prevents them to try to solve their own human basic problems. There is almost no chance they will ever be able to take care of themselves as long as we keep removing the painful circumstances and consequences.</p><p></p><p>I used to think it was much easier for me to say there was no hope for my homeless sons than to go through the agony of learning to play a new role. </p><p></p><p>Initially when we begin our new role of not enabling them it will cause great suffering, conflict and confusion within ourselves. But in the long run this is far less painful than continuing the same repetitive enabling patter that never lets us off the merry go round. </p><p></p><p>We must change ourselves so that others destructive patterns no longer work on us. </p><p></p><p>Not easy but it must be done for our own sanity and we’ll-being.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 752556, member: 23405"] Trying...hang in there. “There is always sunshine after the rain”. I feel for myself what makes me suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not. We want adult sons to handle “things” the way we would-right? The reality is that this is their life, their journey. Being able to accept “what is” is I believe our lesson we must learn. We have no control over what transpires in their lives but what we do have, is control of our response to the situation. It’s what we do or fail to do that perpetuates this scenario and prevents them to try to solve their own human basic problems. There is almost no chance they will ever be able to take care of themselves as long as we keep removing the painful circumstances and consequences. I used to think it was much easier for me to say there was no hope for my homeless sons than to go through the agony of learning to play a new role. Initially when we begin our new role of not enabling them it will cause great suffering, conflict and confusion within ourselves. But in the long run this is far less painful than continuing the same repetitive enabling patter that never lets us off the merry go round. We must change ourselves so that others destructive patterns no longer work on us. Not easy but it must be done for our own sanity and we’ll-being. [/QUOTE]
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