I really found out that without them showing the initiative of getting help to change, they don't want to. My daughter had an altercation with her husband and her eye was swollen shut and her lip was all swollen. She sobbed to us that if she only had enough money for a new apartment, she would leave Lee with infant Jaden. We eagerly gave her money for an apartment we found for her. A nice one. We were shaken more than her.
The next day she called saying Lee cried and begged her to stay so she isn't leaving. We were horrified and asked for the money back. We almost never gave her cash. She promised to bring it by. She then ghosted us and we never saw the money again. Later in the month we got a happy text about how good things are now between Lee and herself and that they are soulmates. We were so angry and frustrated.
This was not their last altercation. Sometimes Lee gets the worst of it. Kay will use chairs and frying pans. They won't press charges against each other.
These altercations happen about twice a year or so. When they happen, it's bad. My grandson watches and cries.
My husband and I finally stopped getting involved at all. We have not gotten involved in anything for about a year. Only Kay leaving Lee and getting psychiatric help and rehab would entice us to possibly pay the facilities that are helping her. But Kay herself will get no money.
My husband and I go to Al Anon, therapy and stay close to God. We do the best we can. So do you. Don't beat yourself up. Just be more careful next time.
God bless you.
