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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 186453" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>Hello emptyheart,</p><p></p><p>I have to chime in with the others here... To all appearances from what you've written, you are not helping your granddaughter at all, but actually exacerbating the situation.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry to say that you cannot "make" your son and granddaughter reconcile. It sounds like from the terminology that your son used when he said you are "enabling" your granddaughter, that he is attending Al-anon meetings or otherwise practicing "tough love". Most of us here are advocates of this approach as we have all discovered, the hard way, that there is really no other way to help our children. "Enabling" in this context has a very specific meaning. It is also called co-dependency. It means that the self-destructive person -- your granddaughter -- is able to continue this behavior because the enabler -- you -- shields them from the consequences they would otherwise suffer. And experience has shown that suffering the consequences is the only form of teaching that really gets through.</p><p></p><p>One thing you can be sure of is that we know how you feel and sympathize. I'm sending up a prayer for all three of you and your family.</p><p></p><p>PS -- Our daughter's biological father's parents felt towards us the same way as you do towards your son and granddaughter. We had to actually let them take her in and try it their way before they saw how she manipulated others and turned their desire to help her into helping her continue in her illness.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 186453, member: 3485"] Hello emptyheart, I have to chime in with the others here... To all appearances from what you've written, you are not helping your granddaughter at all, but actually exacerbating the situation. I'm sorry to say that you cannot "make" your son and granddaughter reconcile. It sounds like from the terminology that your son used when he said you are "enabling" your granddaughter, that he is attending Al-anon meetings or otherwise practicing "tough love". Most of us here are advocates of this approach as we have all discovered, the hard way, that there is really no other way to help our children. "Enabling" in this context has a very specific meaning. It is also called co-dependency. It means that the self-destructive person -- your granddaughter -- is able to continue this behavior because the enabler -- you -- shields them from the consequences they would otherwise suffer. And experience has shown that suffering the consequences is the only form of teaching that really gets through. One thing you can be sure of is that we know how you feel and sympathize. I'm sending up a prayer for all three of you and your family. PS -- Our daughter's biological father's parents felt towards us the same way as you do towards your son and granddaughter. We had to actually let them take her in and try it their way before they saw how she manipulated others and turned their desire to help her into helping her continue in her illness. [/QUOTE]
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