Ache hasn't discussed his self-hurting behaviours in depth with me. He did blurt some out during his crisis last fall, have given couple titbits since then and rest is more or less my guesswork.
What I do know for sure, is that he did have some self-hurting behaviours (hitting and scratching himself and so on) as a young child when he was very frustrated with himself. He has always been perfectionist and very high-strung. Those early signs of self-hurt were not too serious. I talked about them first in his well child checks and later also with psychologists, paediatric psychiatrist and neurologist when he was referred to more specialised care and evaluations for other reasons. At the time we got him to stop that behaviour by redirecting, helping him to express his feelings with words and directing him to use other physical outlets when needed.
I again caught him self-hurting in adolescence. He was hitting his hands to objects like table edges or dropping the piano lid to his fingers etc. He was seeing a counsellor at the time for school and social issues and I of course told about self-hurting to her. It seemed to end and he said that it was just a stupid idea and he would not do it any more. We checked his fingers and hands quite often for some time, but it really seemed, he had stopped that. However I now have to wonder, if he just changed to other methods and how many of his injuries over the years may have been self-inflected. He always had a good explanation for them, but I now do know that some were from other kids bullying him and it is very possible that some were also self-hurt.
It is just very difficult to know, because none was ever anything clearly self-inflicted like cutting etc. He was very active kid, who always did first, thought then, if even then and he did several sports that were likely to cause bruises and small cuts time to time. So how can you know if he had his knees bloody, lip cut and arm bruised because he accidentally fell with his trick bike or because he fell in purpose or because he was beaten by other kids in trick bike and skateboard park? Especially when it now seems likely that in different times the reason for the injuries could had been any of those. Or if he had ball made bruises in his torso? How to know, what were inflected by normal play in his sport, which may have been inflected as peer discipline and which may have been self inflected (when you play catch by throwing a ball to the wall and then catching, except that you do not catch.)
As of capsaicin: I do not know, but my best guess is, that he came up with the idea either through honest cooking accident (I think most people have accidentally handled something that will sting forgetting they have this small cut in their hand or forgotten to wash their hands well between handling some hot veggie or product and between touching their eyes etc.) or through some kind of dare. And after that he has noticed that it is an easy way to cause physical pain without it leaving much marks and without much risk to actual damage.
It seems evident that Ache wants to cause himself that pain, but he does not want to get caught doing it, doesn't want attention and doesn't want to cause that kind of physical harm, that would hinder his sport. And because he is an athlete, he wouldn't get undetected if he for example would cut himself. He spends quite a lot of time naked or in very little clothes daily with lots of people around him. While bruises and all kind of chafes in skin are to be expected, cuts made by knife, burns etc. more common self-harm methods would be spotted quickly. Especially considering he is very regularly massaged. Anything evidently self-inflicted would cause quite a hassle and he knows that. And trying to cover something would cause lots of attention. Modesty over their bodies is not something people in his occupation tends to have even the shred left when they are at that level. If someone suddenly would seem to start to care, if there thirty people there seeing them naked, that would certainly draw lots of attention, when usually they need to be reminded to grab a towel with them, if they walk through public areas at days and times when there are likely to be other people, like young kids and their parents also practising at the same arena.
Ache is very ambitious with his sport. He does not want to get caught doing something, that would cause him trouble. Self-harm most certainly wouldn't make him more attractive to the teams and his coaches. So he hides it. That of course means it is not something he does just because he is bored, or wants attention or for any other reason that would be easy to stop. It seems he feels that he really needs it.
I have read that cutting can be addictive, and that cutters kind of teach themselves to deal with any problem with cutting and that it eases the internal pain or expresses emotions one do not have an outlet for, or helps with feeling numb. While Ache doesn't cut, that may actually only be, because he knows he would not to be able to hide it.
Last fall, during his crisis, there were one incident that could had been self-harm, though he doesn't admit, that did require ER visit. He burnt lots of his stuff from his room here at our house (he was at sick-leave after his crash that took him to hospital for over a week) while he was home alone and received a burn, not too bad one, but one I insist taking him to ER with, while doing so. That caused him to miss few extra days after he was cleared for neurological/psychiatric reasons. It still is, and will remain unclear, how much of his crash was psychological and how much neurological. He was diagnosed with conversion disorder, but it is not uncommon for conversion disorder to have roots in actual injury or illness. His conversion disorder mimicked post-concussion syndrome and while his brain scan were and remained clear, it is possible he developed conversion symptoms over actual post-concussion symptoms.
