TearyEyed, I am so sorry this is so painful for you, we here on the PE side of the forum truly understand that pain and can share it with you. We've all been in your shoes, you are not alone. You have us right along side you.
The hardest thing I've ever done is detach from my only child. It is the hardest thing any of us here has ever done or will ever do. Often we blame ourselves, but it isn't anyone's fault, it isn't anything to point a finger at, it is what it is. If you take blame out of the picture, it is just what we deal with here...................it teaches us about how to let go of control, it teaches us to live in the moment, it teaches us to put all of our focus onto ourselves and learn to love ourselves and it teaches us acceptance. These are HUGE life lessons that are for us. For whatever reason, this is our fate, our destiny.
For me, looking at life as an opportunity to learn, to experience "lessons" makes sense...................and it brings meaning to all the suffering that goes along with this journey we're on. Your son has his journey too, and you or I may never know what that is............it's important to let go of blame, of judgment, of comparisons and of outcomes. It's hard, but if you can do that, you will find a steady and dependable peace of mind.
It helps to place your son in the hands of your perception of a Higher Power..............let go of your role as his caregiver and allow your son to go into his destiny. And, you pick up your heart off the floor and brush it off and turn towards the sun and keep walking. Your life is precious and you must identify that preciousness and take care of YOU................when you make that commitment and set that intention, you will find everything will ease up and you will be on the right track.
This is a rough ride, it is a treacherous path filled with pot holes and mine fields which surprise us and can knock us down...................BUT, if you allow your sorrow, allow your angers and resentments, you'll move through to the other side. Most of us need help to do that and I'm glad you have your FA group. You may want to give NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness a try too, they offer wonderful courses for parents.
We've circled our tattered wagons around you TearyEyed, you are not alone, we are all around you now..................wishing you peace.
