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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743455" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not know how to explain what I want to say except to say that a few years ago somewhere on this board I wrote that hope was not my friend.</p><p></p><p>I still feel that way. I think hope is a setup and a betrayer. I can't really explain why but I will try.</p><p></p><p>Hope is about a future that does not exist and may never exist. We only have the present moment. If you think about it the future only arrives in a sequence of millions and millions of present moments. And each of these moments is a gift to us if we stay present to them. Because each present is really a freeze frame window to who we are and what we need.</p><p></p><p>You are getting a powerfully real dose of who you are and what you need right now. You are longing for your child, who you love. Independent of what he did or even who and what he is, you love him. That love has forced itself into the freeze frame present and it will not be frozen out. This is beyond will and beyond intention. This is who you are and what your life has been.</p><p></p><p>I heard somebody say on the radio last week that the future is really memory. Because we cannot look forward without looking back.</p><p></p><p>All of us here on this board share a common bond. Something horrible happened to our stories. Where we could no longer write a simple story with beginning, middle and happy ending. Some crisis could not be overcome. We had to rewrite ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Our stories of our lives got torpedoed and we did not know how to finish them and more than this, the people who we were in the happy stories no longer existed in the same way as before. And because they did not, we did not exist in the same way either. It feels like we lost hope. But really what happened is that the story broke down. And needed rewriting.</p><p></p><p>That is where you are now. Your memory of a happy and united family who was progressing to an inevitably hopeful and beautiful end, no longer serves. Memory throws you into crisis because the old story is of 3 children, and one is missing. How can the future be constructed with this missing piece of the story? It is not only the story that has been broken, it is us. </p><p></p><p>Which is what we are doing with the millions of freeze frames, as we stay open to them. We are doing reconstruction work.</p><p></p><p>You are doing this. But it is not done with hope. It is done with work. Which you are doing. Oh. How I wish this was easier and less painful. But posting helps. I think it accelerates the process. For me, every post is like a needle and thread. It is not the counsel that changes things (although I have been so grateful for the counsel and support), in the main, it is the work. We reconstruct ourselves and our stories here. In posts to each other we write ourselves back together.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743455, member: 18958"] I do not know how to explain what I want to say except to say that a few years ago somewhere on this board I wrote that hope was not my friend. I still feel that way. I think hope is a setup and a betrayer. I can't really explain why but I will try. Hope is about a future that does not exist and may never exist. We only have the present moment. If you think about it the future only arrives in a sequence of millions and millions of present moments. And each of these moments is a gift to us if we stay present to them. Because each present is really a freeze frame window to who we are and what we need. You are getting a powerfully real dose of who you are and what you need right now. You are longing for your child, who you love. Independent of what he did or even who and what he is, you love him. That love has forced itself into the freeze frame present and it will not be frozen out. This is beyond will and beyond intention. This is who you are and what your life has been. I heard somebody say on the radio last week that the future is really memory. Because we cannot look forward without looking back. All of us here on this board share a common bond. Something horrible happened to our stories. Where we could no longer write a simple story with beginning, middle and happy ending. Some crisis could not be overcome. We had to rewrite ourselves. Our stories of our lives got torpedoed and we did not know how to finish them and more than this, the people who we were in the happy stories no longer existed in the same way as before. And because they did not, we did not exist in the same way either. It feels like we lost hope. But really what happened is that the story broke down. And needed rewriting. That is where you are now. Your memory of a happy and united family who was progressing to an inevitably hopeful and beautiful end, no longer serves. Memory throws you into crisis because the old story is of 3 children, and one is missing. How can the future be constructed with this missing piece of the story? It is not only the story that has been broken, it is us. Which is what we are doing with the millions of freeze frames, as we stay open to them. We are doing reconstruction work. You are doing this. But it is not done with hope. It is done with work. Which you are doing. Oh. How I wish this was easier and less painful. But posting helps. I think it accelerates the process. For me, every post is like a needle and thread. It is not the counsel that changes things (although I have been so grateful for the counsel and support), in the main, it is the work. We reconstruct ourselves and our stories here. In posts to each other we write ourselves back together. [/QUOTE]
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