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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 743457" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Annie, I think this is the essence of it. You will always love. But let go of guilt. You did not abandon your son. He has walked a path you can’t follow. This is a hard, hard thing, and it hurts, just like a death hurts. In some ways worse, because there is no closure, and the hope that there could someday be something different keeps us bound. </p><p></p><p>I like what Smithmom says here about choosing just for today. You can choose to stay away today, and change your mind later. You can reach out to see if he is ok today if it brings you peace, and then go back to no contact. You can choose not to reach out but to be open to connection of some kind if he reaches out to you. You do not have to see your choice for today as irrevocable. </p><p></p><p>The only thing I would say is absolute is that the healing and safety of your younger children needs to be the first priority. And your healing and safety matter, too. Figure out what you need for your own health and sanity. Permit yourself to make your own needs a priority, too. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry if working through this and reading our answers has brought you more pain and uncertainty. Know that you have people here who will support you without judgment no matter what you decide. This is a journey we are on. There is no one clear way forward. Each of us have to forge our own paths through the wilderness. We are here with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 743457, member: 23349"] Annie, I think this is the essence of it. You will always love. But let go of guilt. You did not abandon your son. He has walked a path you can’t follow. This is a hard, hard thing, and it hurts, just like a death hurts. In some ways worse, because there is no closure, and the hope that there could someday be something different keeps us bound. I like what Smithmom says here about choosing just for today. You can choose to stay away today, and change your mind later. You can reach out to see if he is ok today if it brings you peace, and then go back to no contact. You can choose not to reach out but to be open to connection of some kind if he reaches out to you. You do not have to see your choice for today as irrevocable. The only thing I would say is absolute is that the healing and safety of your younger children needs to be the first priority. And your healing and safety matter, too. Figure out what you need for your own health and sanity. Permit yourself to make your own needs a priority, too. I am so sorry if working through this and reading our answers has brought you more pain and uncertainty. Know that you have people here who will support you without judgment no matter what you decide. This is a journey we are on. There is no one clear way forward. Each of us have to forge our own paths through the wilderness. We are here with you. [/QUOTE]
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