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<blockquote data-quote="AKAnnie" data-source="post: 743472" data-attributes="member: 22641"><p>Hi, Tired Out! Thank you for your kind words and anytime a child goes sideways, even if it's something that seems small (like stealing) it's not. It's not small to your heart. It's not small for your family...so I appreciate you reaching out because wisdom and kindness is wisdom and kindness, especially from one mom to another with a broken heart. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/wink.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":wink:" title="wink :wink:" data-shortname=":wink:" /></p><p></p><p>As for my 13 year old, I'm not ready to broach that possibility with him. He is doing so well. His resilience is something to behold and for the most part, my family is working hard to find our way back to health, peace, contentment, and acceptance. I want to shield him from his parents' continued heartache, struggles, and work towards that end (of getting to a healthier place). It's not that we can't be authentic...it's that...hmmm...I think for him to be able to move forward in a healthy way, he needs to see his parents setting boundaries, sticking to them, and moving forward. It almost feels like (in my spirit) that if he continues to see and hear about my continued contact with his older brother, and then also see my heartache as I work through issues...then he would likely feel resentment, anger, and possibly even hate towards his brother for his continued negative presence in our lives. This is where things get tricky... I am inherently a very open, transparent, and honest person. Hiding things, even for the benefit of someone else, is really hard for me. I want authenticity in my life and this compulsion is so strong, I even have a hard time not telling folks about gifts I got them as I get really excited and want to share and experience their happy face as soon as I can. That is likely a silly example but that desire to be open is what matters. I feel that if I were to hide my talking to oldest to shield my youngest, I could do it...but it would somehow hinder my own healing because now I'm expending energy doing something that I inherently struggle with. But if I am open and honest about talking to my oldest - then there could be potential negative fallout for my youngest. So as much as I want to know my oldest is okay...to what end and at what cost? </p><p></p><p>This is by far the most difficult thing I have experienced...and I have been through a lot...and yet nothing compares. Meditating on what everyone shared on this thread earlier has been wonderful, affirming, and most helpful. It still hurts...but I gotta stay the course...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AKAnnie, post: 743472, member: 22641"] Hi, Tired Out! Thank you for your kind words and anytime a child goes sideways, even if it's something that seems small (like stealing) it's not. It's not small to your heart. It's not small for your family...so I appreciate you reaching out because wisdom and kindness is wisdom and kindness, especially from one mom to another with a broken heart. :wink: As for my 13 year old, I'm not ready to broach that possibility with him. He is doing so well. His resilience is something to behold and for the most part, my family is working hard to find our way back to health, peace, contentment, and acceptance. I want to shield him from his parents' continued heartache, struggles, and work towards that end (of getting to a healthier place). It's not that we can't be authentic...it's that...hmmm...I think for him to be able to move forward in a healthy way, he needs to see his parents setting boundaries, sticking to them, and moving forward. It almost feels like (in my spirit) that if he continues to see and hear about my continued contact with his older brother, and then also see my heartache as I work through issues...then he would likely feel resentment, anger, and possibly even hate towards his brother for his continued negative presence in our lives. This is where things get tricky... I am inherently a very open, transparent, and honest person. Hiding things, even for the benefit of someone else, is really hard for me. I want authenticity in my life and this compulsion is so strong, I even have a hard time not telling folks about gifts I got them as I get really excited and want to share and experience their happy face as soon as I can. That is likely a silly example but that desire to be open is what matters. I feel that if I were to hide my talking to oldest to shield my youngest, I could do it...but it would somehow hinder my own healing because now I'm expending energy doing something that I inherently struggle with. But if I am open and honest about talking to my oldest - then there could be potential negative fallout for my youngest. So as much as I want to know my oldest is okay...to what end and at what cost? This is by far the most difficult thing I have experienced...and I have been through a lot...and yet nothing compares. Meditating on what everyone shared on this thread earlier has been wonderful, affirming, and most helpful. It still hurts...but I gotta stay the course... [/QUOTE]
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