Hi Dazed,
The last days my son lived in my home were very similar to what you have described. One big difference is it was only myself and him in the house. After a lengthy go round with him (11 days) I told him he needed to find someplace else to stay until he got to a therapist and straightened himself out a bit. He told me he didn't have to go anywhere, he had his rights to my home, and was entitled to his legal eviction. Under somewhat normal circumstances that's true. But when someone is following you around the house on a consistent basis demanding what he wants, refusing to leave you alone, character assignating you to your face and getting on the phone with who knows who doing the same, it's threatening. I was frightened of his behavior and very concerned it might escalate. I had no one else here to protect me from any of it, no united front as it were. When my son called the police to have them verify that I could not tell him to leave they came to the house and the result was that he was removed with a restraining order. He was taking over here, I felt then and still feel I had no other choice. If you feel threatened, regardless of if he says he will physically harm you are not, it is grounds for removal.
That's just my situation. With both you and your husband there it could be quite different, you have some control because it's two of you.
Since then my son has remained very angry with me. He has no insight to his behavior that brought that situation on. He tells anyone who will listen that I lied to the police and had him removed, for fun I guess, not sure.
It's a good sign that your son is at least working. Maybe he will actually get his act together and get out. I feel very strongly if someone like our sons find a way to become responsible for themselves they will shift their attempts to control other people for power and find their own personal power. My son has not become responsible for himself yet so it's just a theory of mine.
Take care.
