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Family of Origin
Never disinherit your kid
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 690553" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You did so good, Seeking.</p><p></p><p>You handled this perfectly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Sounds like there may be trouble in paradise.</p><p></p><p>How crappy of her to have so slyly coerced and so subtly threatened you, Seeking. </p><p></p><p>It is very hard for me to speak with my mother. Though I know I cannot trust her I love her, and I miss her fiercely. </p><p></p><p>It's the craziest thing.</p><p></p><p>The name for that state of mind is cognitive dissonance. It feels a little like being a ping pong ball. Just a wild swing of emotion, one extreme to its opposite while the first one is still smoking away on the back burner. I've read that, whatever our feelings regarding our parents and sibs, the best thing for us to do is to listen to the feelings as though they were our children, hurt or being bullied on the playground. Witness them scream or rage or feel abandoned. At the heart of it, however the emotion presents, the need for healing will be 1) The need to feel, not loved, but lovable. 2) The need to feel appreciated. 3) The need to feel we are enough. Good enough, smart enough, enough enough.</p><p></p><p>If we can learn to hear our pain with this understanding of its genesis, we will learn to nurture ourselves with the very things we have always needed from our mothers, but may not have received. We will have to listen many times. At the end of it, we will be our own, no longer in thrall to, or vulnerable in the same ways, to our merciless Families of Origin.</p><p></p><p>Do you and your husband have a concept of what son's life would look like for you to feel comfortable helping him? It helped me to know when I would help, so I was clear on why I was saying no.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Geez, Seeking. For $300 K I will take your son.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 690553, member: 17461"] You did so good, Seeking. You handled this perfectly. Sounds like there may be trouble in paradise. How crappy of her to have so slyly coerced and so subtly threatened you, Seeking. It is very hard for me to speak with my mother. Though I know I cannot trust her I love her, and I miss her fiercely. It's the craziest thing. The name for that state of mind is cognitive dissonance. It feels a little like being a ping pong ball. Just a wild swing of emotion, one extreme to its opposite while the first one is still smoking away on the back burner. I've read that, whatever our feelings regarding our parents and sibs, the best thing for us to do is to listen to the feelings as though they were our children, hurt or being bullied on the playground. Witness them scream or rage or feel abandoned. At the heart of it, however the emotion presents, the need for healing will be 1) The need to feel, not loved, but lovable. 2) The need to feel appreciated. 3) The need to feel we are enough. Good enough, smart enough, enough enough. If we can learn to hear our pain with this understanding of its genesis, we will learn to nurture ourselves with the very things we have always needed from our mothers, but may not have received. We will have to listen many times. At the end of it, we will be our own, no longer in thrall to, or vulnerable in the same ways, to our merciless Families of Origin. Do you and your husband have a concept of what son's life would look like for you to feel comfortable helping him? It helped me to know when I would help, so I was clear on why I was saying no. Cedar Geez, Seeking. For $300 K I will take your son. :O) [/QUOTE]
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Never disinherit your kid
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