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<blockquote data-quote="Coffee Lover" data-source="post: 711164" data-attributes="member: 21380"><p>My birth father has never met his grandchildren and I do not see that changing any time in the foreseeable future. I could go on and on with this topic for years - so I'll save you all of it but the cliffnotes version is as follows:</p><p></p><p>My father is an alcoholic and drug addict. He is a mean drunk at times (I have witnessed him beating my mother and sister when I was 11, I outran them all and was spared), he is a pathetic drunk other times (used to keep us up all hours of the night to listen to how the world "wronged him"). Thanks to him, I've been driving since I was 12 ( I figured sober 12 was better than drunk him). We had to sleep at a Denny's and try to go to school because he didn't have a place for us. He would usually no call/no show for his weekends, stopped seeing us when he met his new wife, and puts forth NO EFFORT. EVER. I tried for years to have a relationship but it was always VERY one sided and only at his convenience. If he found something "better" to do, he'd take off without notice and blow off plans. This went on until I was 24 and I just stopped calling/trying. In 13 years he has not called, stopped by, emailed, Facebooked or put forth an OUNCE of effort to see me.</p><p></p><p>He has all my contact info. His whole family does! He knows he has two grandkids sitting at my house. And he does not call. Or text. Or try. It was one thing when it was just me going through that, but I refuse to put my kids through it. He is selfish and has moved on with his "new family". I'm at peace with it. I have a step dad now that's 100 times better and totally stable. He's the kind of man I want my kids to look up to. My sister brings her kids around, but he does the same thing to them. Bails without notice, makes promises he doesn't keep, disappears for months at a time until she manages to track him down again. I've seen her kids upset and confused about how he treats them.</p><p></p><p>So I am adult child. I do not speak to my birth father. He knows he has grandkids, he has never met them, and likely never will. I have no intentions of reaching out and setting their hearts up for the hurt we went through or that my sister's kids go through now. I can say I am disappointed this is how it turned out, but I do not feel bad or guilty or anything for how it is. I tried, he didn't, I sleep well at night knowing my children only feel secure and loved.</p><p></p><p>I can't speak to your situation, but your child might be feeling something you don't realize? I know my birth dad has never even asked why I don't talk to him. I can't say it'd change anything, but if he could be "bothered" to ask what's up I might entertain the idea of talking.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Coffee Lover, post: 711164, member: 21380"] My birth father has never met his grandchildren and I do not see that changing any time in the foreseeable future. I could go on and on with this topic for years - so I'll save you all of it but the cliffnotes version is as follows: My father is an alcoholic and drug addict. He is a mean drunk at times (I have witnessed him beating my mother and sister when I was 11, I outran them all and was spared), he is a pathetic drunk other times (used to keep us up all hours of the night to listen to how the world "wronged him"). Thanks to him, I've been driving since I was 12 ( I figured sober 12 was better than drunk him). We had to sleep at a Denny's and try to go to school because he didn't have a place for us. He would usually no call/no show for his weekends, stopped seeing us when he met his new wife, and puts forth NO EFFORT. EVER. I tried for years to have a relationship but it was always VERY one sided and only at his convenience. If he found something "better" to do, he'd take off without notice and blow off plans. This went on until I was 24 and I just stopped calling/trying. In 13 years he has not called, stopped by, emailed, Facebooked or put forth an OUNCE of effort to see me. He has all my contact info. His whole family does! He knows he has two grandkids sitting at my house. And he does not call. Or text. Or try. It was one thing when it was just me going through that, but I refuse to put my kids through it. He is selfish and has moved on with his "new family". I'm at peace with it. I have a step dad now that's 100 times better and totally stable. He's the kind of man I want my kids to look up to. My sister brings her kids around, but he does the same thing to them. Bails without notice, makes promises he doesn't keep, disappears for months at a time until she manages to track him down again. I've seen her kids upset and confused about how he treats them. So I am adult child. I do not speak to my birth father. He knows he has grandkids, he has never met them, and likely never will. I have no intentions of reaching out and setting their hearts up for the hurt we went through or that my sister's kids go through now. I can say I am disappointed this is how it turned out, but I do not feel bad or guilty or anything for how it is. I tried, he didn't, I sleep well at night knowing my children only feel secure and loved. I can't speak to your situation, but your child might be feeling something you don't realize? I know my birth dad has never even asked why I don't talk to him. I can't say it'd change anything, but if he could be "bothered" to ask what's up I might entertain the idea of talking. [/QUOTE]
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