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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 510938" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>gosh your life right now sounds truly full and overwhelming in many ways. We are here for you and you can only do the best you can do. Why not start with those books... They are actually pretty easy reads because I bet...really, you are going to start to read them and see some things that you can really relate to. The Explosive Child helped me to get rid of that "I think I have not been consistent, or given enough consequences etc..." guilt. You realize that the traditional model for behavioral change just simply does not work (at least not for all things) and can actually create more stress and problems in your family system. Imagine if you took a child with CP and brought them to physical therapy and said... ok, if you walk nicely then you get a reward if not you are going to sit in that corner until you do it. It would be absurd right? They have not built the muscles, done the stretching, worked on the balance, had the support for the little movements they need to learn to work up to taking those steps. Many of our kids need those underlying causes and skill deficits supported first. </p><p></p><p>You are not the cause of this. It sounds like she had some honest to goodness risk factors in your family history and her early development that could be at play here. A behavioral agency can be wonderful but also narrow of focus. I too have a pediatrician who specializes in kids with behavioral issues (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), mental health, adhd, etc...) and he is my gate keeper by my choice...Ihave all reports and other docs send updates to him. He himself sets limits on what he does though because he is NOT a neurpsych..he knows what to do with the neuropsychologist info though. He is not a speech/language pathologist....but again knows how to interpret the results and suggestions. We also use a neurologist due to my son's issues and have a psychiatrist for managing the psychiatric medications...just because that is her area. but she is mental health focused so I dont use her for best judgement on treatment...though I do listen to her input just to weigh all the ideas.</p><p></p><p>It is a lot to take in, and you dont need to do it all at once. I sometimes take a day off (in fact did it yesterday)...no phone calls and just be a normal mom doing a fun activity with my son.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for the illness and challenges your family is facing. For what it is worth, keeping some perspective (hard to do) is really important. You are all a family and special first....these added challenges are things in your life, they are not your full life (can feel like that sometimes). I know this can sound trite. It really does help me. I even wrote an introduction to my son when he was in the hospital once... It was titled with his name and it said as a sub title...more than Autism, more than Brain Injury, more than a behavior problem.... and I filled it with pictures of our family, his friends, his activities and let them see a child who functions really well in many ways...not the kid we saw at that time. I find now, that little paper helps ME. </p><p></p><p>HUGS, Dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 510938, member: 12886"] gosh your life right now sounds truly full and overwhelming in many ways. We are here for you and you can only do the best you can do. Why not start with those books... They are actually pretty easy reads because I bet...really, you are going to start to read them and see some things that you can really relate to. The Explosive Child helped me to get rid of that "I think I have not been consistent, or given enough consequences etc..." guilt. You realize that the traditional model for behavioral change just simply does not work (at least not for all things) and can actually create more stress and problems in your family system. Imagine if you took a child with CP and brought them to physical therapy and said... ok, if you walk nicely then you get a reward if not you are going to sit in that corner until you do it. It would be absurd right? They have not built the muscles, done the stretching, worked on the balance, had the support for the little movements they need to learn to work up to taking those steps. Many of our kids need those underlying causes and skill deficits supported first. You are not the cause of this. It sounds like she had some honest to goodness risk factors in your family history and her early development that could be at play here. A behavioral agency can be wonderful but also narrow of focus. I too have a pediatrician who specializes in kids with behavioral issues (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), mental health, adhd, etc...) and he is my gate keeper by my choice...Ihave all reports and other docs send updates to him. He himself sets limits on what he does though because he is NOT a neurpsych..he knows what to do with the neuropsychologist info though. He is not a speech/language pathologist....but again knows how to interpret the results and suggestions. We also use a neurologist due to my son's issues and have a psychiatrist for managing the psychiatric medications...just because that is her area. but she is mental health focused so I dont use her for best judgement on treatment...though I do listen to her input just to weigh all the ideas. It is a lot to take in, and you dont need to do it all at once. I sometimes take a day off (in fact did it yesterday)...no phone calls and just be a normal mom doing a fun activity with my son. I am sorry for the illness and challenges your family is facing. For what it is worth, keeping some perspective (hard to do) is really important. You are all a family and special first....these added challenges are things in your life, they are not your full life (can feel like that sometimes). I know this can sound trite. It really does help me. I even wrote an introduction to my son when he was in the hospital once... It was titled with his name and it said as a sub title...more than Autism, more than Brain Injury, more than a behavior problem.... and I filled it with pictures of our family, his friends, his activities and let them see a child who functions really well in many ways...not the kid we saw at that time. I find now, that little paper helps ME. HUGS, Dee [/QUOTE]
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