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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 745871" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Hi Oz- I've been on a similar path with my daughter, but it has included my granddaughter who was born when my daughter was 19. It's so very difficult to deal with troubled adult children. It's great that you and your husband have a plan. Sounds like you have a very supportive husband, which is wonderful. I have struggled through this on my own. The hard part comes when you have to stick to your plan and watch your child suffer due to their own choices. I have found that the more I back off of my daughter and focus on myself the better our relationship is and she seems to make better choices. I have become pretty good at focusing on myself and just responding to her with neutral phrases like, "I hope it works out." Or "You're a smart girl, you'll figure it out."</p><p></p><p>I would mention that frequently when you set boundaries for these kids and stick to them they will up the ante. Their behavior gets worse and, in my case, they turn into raving lunatics. When I first set and maintained boundaries my daughter lost her sh*t. She would call my phones over and over, leaving crazy messages, etc. I would just turn my phones off and delete the messages without listening to them. That was probably the hardest point for me because it was so stressful and I was learning to deal with her in a different way. Previously I had set boundaries, but I didn't stick to them. It's a tricky thing to learn but it is possible. If I can do it, anyone can. It's also helped me in all areas of my life, so good for me. </p><p></p><p>Being on here is wonderful support to me. Many people, even my good friends, don't understand what we go through in dealing with these kids. They make dumb remarks to me like, "Just tell her..." Or "Don't let her do it." They have no concept of what this is like. Everyone on here has had similar experiences, made similar mistakes and had some successes. They don't judge you, they just understand. Sending peace to you. Welcome!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 745871, member: 11235"] Hi Oz- I've been on a similar path with my daughter, but it has included my granddaughter who was born when my daughter was 19. It's so very difficult to deal with troubled adult children. It's great that you and your husband have a plan. Sounds like you have a very supportive husband, which is wonderful. I have struggled through this on my own. The hard part comes when you have to stick to your plan and watch your child suffer due to their own choices. I have found that the more I back off of my daughter and focus on myself the better our relationship is and she seems to make better choices. I have become pretty good at focusing on myself and just responding to her with neutral phrases like, "I hope it works out." Or "You're a smart girl, you'll figure it out." I would mention that frequently when you set boundaries for these kids and stick to them they will up the ante. Their behavior gets worse and, in my case, they turn into raving lunatics. When I first set and maintained boundaries my daughter lost her sh*t. She would call my phones over and over, leaving crazy messages, etc. I would just turn my phones off and delete the messages without listening to them. That was probably the hardest point for me because it was so stressful and I was learning to deal with her in a different way. Previously I had set boundaries, but I didn't stick to them. It's a tricky thing to learn but it is possible. If I can do it, anyone can. It's also helped me in all areas of my life, so good for me. Being on here is wonderful support to me. Many people, even my good friends, don't understand what we go through in dealing with these kids. They make dumb remarks to me like, "Just tell her..." Or "Don't let her do it." They have no concept of what this is like. Everyone on here has had similar experiences, made similar mistakes and had some successes. They don't judge you, they just understand. Sending peace to you. Welcome! [/QUOTE]
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