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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 735494" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>First. For your privacy please change your screen name as this is an anonymous site.</p><p></p><p>Okay. Your situation is very hard. But it seems to me you are doing everything right.</p><p></p><p>What other parents have done is remove privileges and comforts as natural consequences. For example. If she destroys her room, remove everything except her bed. If she does things in her room against your rules (make sure the rules are reasonable) remove her door. But to me this would be a very last resort. I have not had to do these things as my trouble started later.</p><p></p><p>The thing I might do is find a family therapist. A third party who is neutral. To work with the family. This might take away some of the pressure from you.</p><p></p><p>The other thing I might do is try to support her interest in hobbies, constructive pursuits. In my state there is equestrian therapy, with horses, free or sliding scale, for children with problems. I believe in art, dance, music, martial arts, as important outlets and means of expression. If you are lucky enough to live in a city, there can be free or low cost therapy programs for kids in arts therapy.</p><p></p><p>Is there a chance she may have been abused at some point? I had similar behavioral changes at her age. I had had a history of abuse. Puberty triggers this. If you got her to an expressive arts therapist, dance or art, they would work with her to express her pain in constructive ways.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you about your 11 year old. Her protection comes first.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. Keep posting. It helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 735494, member: 18958"] Welcome. First. For your privacy please change your screen name as this is an anonymous site. Okay. Your situation is very hard. But it seems to me you are doing everything right. What other parents have done is remove privileges and comforts as natural consequences. For example. If she destroys her room, remove everything except her bed. If she does things in her room against your rules (make sure the rules are reasonable) remove her door. But to me this would be a very last resort. I have not had to do these things as my trouble started later. The thing I might do is find a family therapist. A third party who is neutral. To work with the family. This might take away some of the pressure from you. The other thing I might do is try to support her interest in hobbies, constructive pursuits. In my state there is equestrian therapy, with horses, free or sliding scale, for children with problems. I believe in art, dance, music, martial arts, as important outlets and means of expression. If you are lucky enough to live in a city, there can be free or low cost therapy programs for kids in arts therapy. Is there a chance she may have been abused at some point? I had similar behavioral changes at her age. I had had a history of abuse. Puberty triggers this. If you got her to an expressive arts therapist, dance or art, they would work with her to express her pain in constructive ways. I agree with you about your 11 year old. Her protection comes first. I am glad you found us. Keep posting. It helps. [/QUOTE]
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