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New here.... hitting a wall.
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 340950" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Although I have not experienced the violence aspect I have lived for 22 years of observing poor parenting. That's a bit of an understatement. I have raised my daughter's first son and spent close to eight years with her second son in my home. Her third child has remained with her Mother for her eight years of life and living in chaos has had multiple negative effects on her development. Due to the lack of severity social services never did intervene even though, to my knowledge, three different people did place calls to the toll free anonymous child abuse number. I never called myself based on the lack of results from previous calls.</p><p> </p><p>I doubt that any conversation would change her lifestyle pattern. I am sure that cleaning up her pigsty and doing the laundry won't result in any positive long term results but I do understand. It's a terrible position to be in and I wish I had an answer for you. On the Board there is emphasis on detaching. With the children suffering I don't see how it is possible to use that method, frankly.</p><p> </p><p>What would I do? I would make an anonymous call and report that the children live in filthy conditions (making sure that call is not made following one of your visits), that they often do not have clean clothes to wear and that the Mother has out of control behaviors that include screaming and violence in the home although not directed at the kids. In other words I would report the truth. If there are neighbors close by who likely have heard the ranting and raving, I would include in my report that out of control behavior is loud enough to draw attention from outside the home.</p><p> </p><p>The agencies are not allowed to reveal "the reporter". The agencies are required to visit the home (usually within a three day period if the allegations do not include immediate danger to the children). If, like my daughter, she is quick on her feet she will pleasantly explain that "things are messy" due to a bout of the flu or working overtime or whatever and the agency may accept her word. on the other hand there is a chance that the person will actually investigate, offer parenting classes or counseling, or make future visits to check out the situation. The worst case scenario is that the agency will step in, remove the children from the home, etc. <strong>but </strong>that doesn't happen often. Instead of fearing it might happen, I think you need to think through "what is in the best interests of the children". A short term trauma might save them a lifetime of dysfunction and chaos. No State wants to support multiple children if there is a family member who will <strong>temporarily </strong>provide a safe environment. That might be the wakeup call that your daughter needs...although I doubt it would happen.</p><p> </p><p>I am genuinely sorry that you are in this untenable situation. My heart goes out to you and the children. Obviously something has to change if there is going to be any stability for the kids. Perhaps you are the only one who can trigger an awakening for the Mom. Good luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 340950, member: 35"] Although I have not experienced the violence aspect I have lived for 22 years of observing poor parenting. That's a bit of an understatement. I have raised my daughter's first son and spent close to eight years with her second son in my home. Her third child has remained with her Mother for her eight years of life and living in chaos has had multiple negative effects on her development. Due to the lack of severity social services never did intervene even though, to my knowledge, three different people did place calls to the toll free anonymous child abuse number. I never called myself based on the lack of results from previous calls. I doubt that any conversation would change her lifestyle pattern. I am sure that cleaning up her pigsty and doing the laundry won't result in any positive long term results but I do understand. It's a terrible position to be in and I wish I had an answer for you. On the Board there is emphasis on detaching. With the children suffering I don't see how it is possible to use that method, frankly. What would I do? I would make an anonymous call and report that the children live in filthy conditions (making sure that call is not made following one of your visits), that they often do not have clean clothes to wear and that the Mother has out of control behaviors that include screaming and violence in the home although not directed at the kids. In other words I would report the truth. If there are neighbors close by who likely have heard the ranting and raving, I would include in my report that out of control behavior is loud enough to draw attention from outside the home. The agencies are not allowed to reveal "the reporter". The agencies are required to visit the home (usually within a three day period if the allegations do not include immediate danger to the children). If, like my daughter, she is quick on her feet she will pleasantly explain that "things are messy" due to a bout of the flu or working overtime or whatever and the agency may accept her word. on the other hand there is a chance that the person will actually investigate, offer parenting classes or counseling, or make future visits to check out the situation. The worst case scenario is that the agency will step in, remove the children from the home, etc. [B]but [/B]that doesn't happen often. Instead of fearing it might happen, I think you need to think through "what is in the best interests of the children". A short term trauma might save them a lifetime of dysfunction and chaos. No State wants to support multiple children if there is a family member who will [B]temporarily [/B]provide a safe environment. That might be the wakeup call that your daughter needs...although I doubt it would happen. I am genuinely sorry that you are in this untenable situation. My heart goes out to you and the children. Obviously something has to change if there is going to be any stability for the kids. Perhaps you are the only one who can trigger an awakening for the Mom. Good luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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