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<blockquote data-quote="TeDo" data-source="post: 570611"><p>For me, the biggest thing was timing and setting a routine. Countdowns work for us. So do natural breaks or a specific time of day. In our house, we have a "everything in it's place before bedtime" rule and our bedtime was ALWAYS at the same time. Things like dirty dishes, in the sink the minute you're done and before you can leave the kitchen. Bath/shower is always at bedtime on specific nights. The more routine the better. The worst thing for my boys is to make "random" requests when they are in the middle of doing something else and expect immediate compliance.</p><p></p><p>Pay attention to what he's doing when you make the request. Set a routine with a picture schedule so he'll know what to expect when. Their worst enemies are unpredictability and immediate change of mindset.</p><p></p><p>As for discipline, the punishment has to fit the crime. You make a mess, you clean it up (once you're calmed down), etc. Timeouts mean nothing to my kids so it became more of a "go to your room until you can talk to me without yelling" or "go to your room so I know you won't break any of my things" or whatever is your biggest concern with a specific requirement for them to come out. Now, when difficult child 1 needs to calm down, he goes up to his room until he's "fine" again. I also learned to ignore the words that came at me in the heat of the moment. I knew they didn't mean them and would never have said them if they had been in "their right mind". Also, they apologized for saying them once they calmed down.</p><p></p><p>All of this took some doing and The Explosive Child methods, while not always working for us, gave ME a whole new way to find out how difficult child 1 thought. That alone was over half the battle. Now, I can usually see where the problem stemmed from or can approach things in such a way that meltdowns can be avoided more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TeDo, post: 570611"] For me, the biggest thing was timing and setting a routine. Countdowns work for us. So do natural breaks or a specific time of day. In our house, we have a "everything in it's place before bedtime" rule and our bedtime was ALWAYS at the same time. Things like dirty dishes, in the sink the minute you're done and before you can leave the kitchen. Bath/shower is always at bedtime on specific nights. The more routine the better. The worst thing for my boys is to make "random" requests when they are in the middle of doing something else and expect immediate compliance. Pay attention to what he's doing when you make the request. Set a routine with a picture schedule so he'll know what to expect when. Their worst enemies are unpredictability and immediate change of mindset. As for discipline, the punishment has to fit the crime. You make a mess, you clean it up (once you're calmed down), etc. Timeouts mean nothing to my kids so it became more of a "go to your room until you can talk to me without yelling" or "go to your room so I know you won't break any of my things" or whatever is your biggest concern with a specific requirement for them to come out. Now, when difficult child 1 needs to calm down, he goes up to his room until he's "fine" again. I also learned to ignore the words that came at me in the heat of the moment. I knew they didn't mean them and would never have said them if they had been in "their right mind". Also, they apologized for saying them once they calmed down. All of this took some doing and The Explosive Child methods, while not always working for us, gave ME a whole new way to find out how difficult child 1 thought. That alone was over half the battle. Now, I can usually see where the problem stemmed from or can approach things in such a way that meltdowns can be avoided more. [/QUOTE]
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