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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 716922" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is to live iwth a dangerous and destructive child. I went through it with my oldest. We had to send my son to live with my parents after my dad retired. Thankfully my parents were able to handle him. They had no clue what they were getting into, and actually admitted it shortly after he went to live with them. People just don't realize that we are not exaggerating when we describe what our kids do.</p><p></p><p>I have serious doubts about the diagnosis your son's doctor is giving you. Everything I have read about various disorders and drug use says that as long as the drugs are on board, it is almost impossible to tell what is truly going on. You have to get the drugs out of his system and then see what is left before you will have any clue as to what his problems are. </p><p></p><p>I would have serious doubts that he is only using marijuana. Most drug users tell parents that they only use pot, and they are almost always lying. If he is hanging around with others who use hard drugs, he is using what they use. His behavior is very consistent with the use of harder drugs, but I would not say it would be consistent with the use of alcohol or pot. Of course I am not an expert, so I could be wrong. </p><p></p><p>You are a strong, brave, courageous mom. You have worked so hard to save your son from this, but I think you need to accept that you need to focus on saving yourself. At this point, you have almost no control over him (NOT your fault - who gives a 12 yo the right to say no to any part of his medical care - therapy is medical care!!! 12yos don't have the wisdom to make medical decisions for themselves!!). I would cut all finances to your son other than any basics that he can force you to give him by law. I would say food (NOT good food he likes, just basic nutrition), clothes - thrift store will do and only enough to get through 1 week), no more electronics under any circumstances. If he wants any nice or fun things, let him figure out how to pay for them. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, focus on yourself. Stay safe, focus on therapy for you, let your son truly experience the lifestyle he says he wants. On his own dime. I am not a real Dr. Phil fan, but he said one thing that made sense to me: Drug users cannot afford their habits. If families cut off the money, the habit gets very uncomfortable because they cannot finance it. One way to help stop it is to stop all money in all forms that is given to the user. </p><p></p><p>This is a thought. Oh, one book that might be helpful, Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic. It might give you some ideas you hadn't thought of. It might be useless, but you never know. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs))))) I am sorry you are going through this. Keep posting. We truly do understand because we have been there or are there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 716922, member: 1233"] Welcome! I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is to live iwth a dangerous and destructive child. I went through it with my oldest. We had to send my son to live with my parents after my dad retired. Thankfully my parents were able to handle him. They had no clue what they were getting into, and actually admitted it shortly after he went to live with them. People just don't realize that we are not exaggerating when we describe what our kids do. I have serious doubts about the diagnosis your son's doctor is giving you. Everything I have read about various disorders and drug use says that as long as the drugs are on board, it is almost impossible to tell what is truly going on. You have to get the drugs out of his system and then see what is left before you will have any clue as to what his problems are. I would have serious doubts that he is only using marijuana. Most drug users tell parents that they only use pot, and they are almost always lying. If he is hanging around with others who use hard drugs, he is using what they use. His behavior is very consistent with the use of harder drugs, but I would not say it would be consistent with the use of alcohol or pot. Of course I am not an expert, so I could be wrong. You are a strong, brave, courageous mom. You have worked so hard to save your son from this, but I think you need to accept that you need to focus on saving yourself. At this point, you have almost no control over him (NOT your fault - who gives a 12 yo the right to say no to any part of his medical care - therapy is medical care!!! 12yos don't have the wisdom to make medical decisions for themselves!!). I would cut all finances to your son other than any basics that he can force you to give him by law. I would say food (NOT good food he likes, just basic nutrition), clothes - thrift store will do and only enough to get through 1 week), no more electronics under any circumstances. If he wants any nice or fun things, let him figure out how to pay for them. In the meantime, focus on yourself. Stay safe, focus on therapy for you, let your son truly experience the lifestyle he says he wants. On his own dime. I am not a real Dr. Phil fan, but he said one thing that made sense to me: Drug users cannot afford their habits. If families cut off the money, the habit gets very uncomfortable because they cannot finance it. One way to help stop it is to stop all money in all forms that is given to the user. This is a thought. Oh, one book that might be helpful, Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic. It might give you some ideas you hadn't thought of. It might be useless, but you never know. (((((hugs))))) I am sorry you are going through this. Keep posting. We truly do understand because we have been there or are there. [/QUOTE]
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