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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 744433" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>Do you have support?</p><p></p><p>In addition to swots questions:</p><p></p><p>Reasons for son's hospitalizations? Suicide attempts/history of self-harm?</p><p></p><p>Acting out? Arrests?</p><p></p><p>What about how he was raised does he feel caused him harm?</p><p></p><p>Is he self-supporting?</p><p></p><p>Has he had any goals? Any relationships, strong friendships?</p><p></p><p>Any chronic illness, history of brain injury?</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is. I have a 29 year old mentally ill, homeless son who has been rejecting of me. It broke my heart. I felt responsible to either fix him or to get him to fix himself.</p><p></p><p>What I have realized after 3.5 years here is that he will change when and if he wants. That the only change I control is over me and my own life. It took me all of that time to accept that I am the center of my own life, as he is the center of his own.</p><p></p><p>My response to you is that it sounds like so far he is safe, and that he keeps seeking work is a good thing. He is not homeless yet. He is self sufficient in his manner. I would say, let him be angry and if he wants to blame you, try not to take it seriously or personally. Although I know how painful it is.</p><p></p><p>What's it to you? Keep your distance if it is hurtful. Don't listen to him rant or disrespect you. Hang up the phone. Limit when you accept his calls.</p><p></p><p>Find all kinds of support and interests. Make your life into a dream. This will give him space to work out what he needs to independent of you.</p><p></p><p>We have a role in their lives but not as their whipping boy and not to do for them things they must do themselves.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. Keep posting. On others threads too. That is what changes us. We change as we post.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 744433, member: 18958"] Welcome. Do you have support? In addition to swots questions: Reasons for son's hospitalizations? Suicide attempts/history of self-harm? Acting out? Arrests? What about how he was raised does he feel caused him harm? Is he self-supporting? Has he had any goals? Any relationships, strong friendships? Any chronic illness, history of brain injury? I know how hard this is. I have a 29 year old mentally ill, homeless son who has been rejecting of me. It broke my heart. I felt responsible to either fix him or to get him to fix himself. What I have realized after 3.5 years here is that he will change when and if he wants. That the only change I control is over me and my own life. It took me all of that time to accept that I am the center of my own life, as he is the center of his own. My response to you is that it sounds like so far he is safe, and that he keeps seeking work is a good thing. He is not homeless yet. He is self sufficient in his manner. I would say, let him be angry and if he wants to blame you, try not to take it seriously or personally. Although I know how painful it is. What's it to you? Keep your distance if it is hurtful. Don't listen to him rant or disrespect you. Hang up the phone. Limit when you accept his calls. Find all kinds of support and interests. Make your life into a dream. This will give him space to work out what he needs to independent of you. We have a role in their lives but not as their whipping boy and not to do for them things they must do themselves. I am glad you found us. Keep posting. On others threads too. That is what changes us. We change as we post. [/QUOTE]
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