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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 744439" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You cannot save another person, especially a beloved adult child. That person must save themselves. They do they by locating their power and responsibility in themselves, not in us.</p><p></p><p>The changing you will find is in yourself. It is not that we don't care. It is that we begin to locate our own power center in us. I wake up at 3am in terror and agony most nights. I feel my son's cold. That is my most vulnerable time. But by the time I get up I am living for me.</p><p></p><p>My son uses pot too. Nothing I could do or say stopped him.</p><p></p><p>I am going to say something hard. He will live as he lives. You can love him. Be there to the extent he permits it and you can tolerate it. But how can you change him? He will deal with his life as he chooses.</p><p></p><p>There are real pluses: he works, he has girlfriends, he has responsibilities (a baby!). No arrests. No suicide attempts. He is not sick. He lives far away, he is self-sufficient. And he is not homeless!!!</p><p></p><p>What he does to solve his problems will teach him. He will learn.</p><p></p><p>But you need to find a way to center yourself in you, and not die from the worry and agony and guilt. Nothing is your fault. This is what they do. Just turn the channel. Don't listen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 744439, member: 18958"] You cannot save another person, especially a beloved adult child. That person must save themselves. They do they by locating their power and responsibility in themselves, not in us. The changing you will find is in yourself. It is not that we don't care. It is that we begin to locate our own power center in us. I wake up at 3am in terror and agony most nights. I feel my son's cold. That is my most vulnerable time. But by the time I get up I am living for me. My son uses pot too. Nothing I could do or say stopped him. I am going to say something hard. He will live as he lives. You can love him. Be there to the extent he permits it and you can tolerate it. But how can you change him? He will deal with his life as he chooses. There are real pluses: he works, he has girlfriends, he has responsibilities (a baby!). No arrests. No suicide attempts. He is not sick. He lives far away, he is self-sufficient. And he is not homeless!!! What he does to solve his problems will teach him. He will learn. But you need to find a way to center yourself in you, and not die from the worry and agony and guilt. Nothing is your fault. This is what they do. Just turn the channel. Don't listen. [/QUOTE]
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