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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 744490" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Why do you listen to him abuse you?</p><p></p><p>You never taught him basic care and values as a kid? Of course you did! He just wont use them. What are you supposed to do now that he is a defiant grown adult?</p><p></p><p> He wont go to a shelter but he CAN. Its his choice to do nothing to help himself. He wants the Bank of Mom not only to support his dangerous lifestyle but to let him live with you AND make no adult demands on him. Probably wants you to let him use your car, pay his insurance and tickets, smoke dope in your house, cook for him, buy his food, clean his room, wash his clothes, not work and hand out money. As if he were 11 years old. That is unreasonable.</p><p></p><p>He is just like most of the adult kids who bring us here....abusive and lazy. I would turn off the phone at his first sign of "you are" abuse....disconnect call. Why does he have all the power? Take it back.</p><p></p><p>Say "i will talk to you when tou can be nice to me. I love you but you are smart and can do this yourself. And I demand respect." (Click). Turn off ringtone.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This worked well for me. My son is nice to me now or he knows I will disconnect.</p><p></p><p></p><p>If your spouse talked to you this way would you listen? Your son is an adult man and doing domestic abuse to you. Son or not he has no right to abuse you. He knows why he is where he is. Because of himself. He knows the truth but wont say so. He is hoping to get some perks out of his abuse, like all abusers. Yes adult kids can be our abusers. Perhaps talk to a domestic abuse counselor. That is what tjey do.</p><p></p><p>Please take care of you, get therapy, join AlAnon, stop giving your son a long forum for verbal vomit and stop trying to answer him. You wont win. Less is more. Hide the phone in a drawer.</p><p></p><p>Hold strong! You matter as much as your son. You are a loving precious person being abused.</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 744490, member: 1550"] Why do you listen to him abuse you? You never taught him basic care and values as a kid? Of course you did! He just wont use them. What are you supposed to do now that he is a defiant grown adult? He wont go to a shelter but he CAN. Its his choice to do nothing to help himself. He wants the Bank of Mom not only to support his dangerous lifestyle but to let him live with you AND make no adult demands on him. Probably wants you to let him use your car, pay his insurance and tickets, smoke dope in your house, cook for him, buy his food, clean his room, wash his clothes, not work and hand out money. As if he were 11 years old. That is unreasonable. He is just like most of the adult kids who bring us here....abusive and lazy. I would turn off the phone at his first sign of "you are" abuse....disconnect call. Why does he have all the power? Take it back. Say "i will talk to you when tou can be nice to me. I love you but you are smart and can do this yourself. And I demand respect." (Click). Turn off ringtone. This worked well for me. My son is nice to me now or he knows I will disconnect. If your spouse talked to you this way would you listen? Your son is an adult man and doing domestic abuse to you. Son or not he has no right to abuse you. He knows why he is where he is. Because of himself. He knows the truth but wont say so. He is hoping to get some perks out of his abuse, like all abusers. Yes adult kids can be our abusers. Perhaps talk to a domestic abuse counselor. That is what tjey do. Please take care of you, get therapy, join AlAnon, stop giving your son a long forum for verbal vomit and stop trying to answer him. You wont win. Less is more. Hide the phone in a drawer. Hold strong! You matter as much as your son. You are a loving precious person being abused. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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