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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 744496" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>First. You are neither disconnecting nor abandoning. You are setting a limit.</p><p></p><p>You have 3 or 4 kids I think. When they tried to run in the street, what did you do? When they hit eachother or you how did you respond?</p><p></p><p>Was this abandonment? Was this disconnecting? No. This was merely necessary and good parenting. Had you not done this you would have been remiss.</p><p></p><p>Same thing here. To participate with your adult son in an abusive and self destructive pattern is like aiding and abetting a toddler to run into the street, or ride in a car without a car seat. I am exaggerating to make a point, but you get my drift.</p><p></p><p>Our adult kids are ambivalent about detaching. We need to support them to do so. Thats what you will learn here. Have you read the detaching thread? It lays it out.</p><p></p><p>Your love and connection to him never go away. What changes is this: you let him be responsible for his own actions, thoughts and feelings. And you do the same.</p><p></p><p>For starters: what can you do for you today? Have you thought about Alanon or coda? Do you know the Vietnamese Buddhist, I can't ever remember how to spell his name--thich Nakt Hahn. It's three words. He lives in plum village France. There are all kinds of meditation tapes by him. I love him. They will help you stop the destructive mind tapes, and center yourself in you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 744496, member: 18958"] First. You are neither disconnecting nor abandoning. You are setting a limit. You have 3 or 4 kids I think. When they tried to run in the street, what did you do? When they hit eachother or you how did you respond? Was this abandonment? Was this disconnecting? No. This was merely necessary and good parenting. Had you not done this you would have been remiss. Same thing here. To participate with your adult son in an abusive and self destructive pattern is like aiding and abetting a toddler to run into the street, or ride in a car without a car seat. I am exaggerating to make a point, but you get my drift. Our adult kids are ambivalent about detaching. We need to support them to do so. Thats what you will learn here. Have you read the detaching thread? It lays it out. Your love and connection to him never go away. What changes is this: you let him be responsible for his own actions, thoughts and feelings. And you do the same. For starters: what can you do for you today? Have you thought about Alanon or coda? Do you know the Vietnamese Buddhist, I can't ever remember how to spell his name--thich Nakt Hahn. It's three words. He lives in plum village France. There are all kinds of meditation tapes by him. I love him. They will help you stop the destructive mind tapes, and center yourself in you. [/QUOTE]
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